The Letter Q by Sarah Moon

Author:Sarah Moon
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2012-06-21T16:00:00+00:00

Love,

Jewelle

Dear Billy,

A re you twelve? Thirteen? Or younger — eight? Nine? I can’t remember when it was that you first thought dying was the answer. The more I think about it, the more I remember, I think, actually, you were six or seven. Oh, Billy. I wish I were nearby to slap your back and tell you you’re a good kid, that the bus won’t flip like you pray it will, the plane won’t crash, and the bolt of lightning won’t come and deliver you from all those fearful hours. You’ll find other things to deliver you from the feelings you fear, and as much as I wish you wouldn’t, I know you have to. But the most important thing is that you’ll live. So much longer than you ever imagined. Don’t panic about that part; it turns out okay. I know you won’t believe this, but it does all turn out okay. Better than okay. I won’t spoil anything — you’ll have to go through it all, every last minute of it, because as a friend of yours will tell you gently one particularly difficult day — we can only learn at the speed of pain. What I can say is that there will be some magnificent moments and there will also be some that don’t seem survivable. But don’t spend so much time thinking about the future. It’s going to happen no matter how much you worry about it. And it won’t be anything like you imagine. It will be harder, easier, more bewildering, and a million times more joyful than you expect. And, eventually, beyond your wildest dreams.

Okay, I’ll spoil one thing. Even though I know you won’t believe me, I’ll tell you this one thing because maybe it will make the next years a little less hopeless. This is the thing: You’ll love Dad. You’ll look to him for advice and support and there will be times when he is the only person you think you can call. He will be there for you. He will tell you he loves you and that he’s proud of you. And all this will happen after he knows your most hidden, most ashamed-of secrets. All those things that make you feel like a monster now. He will know them. And he will be proud of you. I promise.

And around that time you will stop seeing death as the only way out of all the worry and fear and anger. That desire to die will go away and in its place will be a need to be useful, and a first-time-ever comfort in being yourself. Right now you feel like an alien. I remember you telling a group of kids one night at a slumber party that you believed you were from another planet. You really believed it. And I know you do right now as you read this. You know what? You are. And it’s cool. You’ll find that planet years later and find other aliens and even then you’ll feel different.

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