The Leader Architect by Jim Grew

Author:Jim Grew
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781632658746
Publisher: Red Wheel Weiser

Let a pause live while you count to twenty-five. It might take a minute or two for the conversation to continue. If there's a flare of feeling, acknowledge it: Bill, this is tough for you to sit through. If one won't offer a solution after three minutes of silence, say: You know, it sounds like there's more here than meets the eye. Pause for up to three minutes.

Your state of mind and behavior matters in this. Being their boss may be of little value in unlocking the jam. Instead, try deference.1 Deference means that you show respect to a person and even submit to their preference where possible, as though they are your superior, even though they are not. It doesn't equate to weakness. It shows the highest possible respect for their position, and strangely, when you do that, you are more likely to be pulled into a valid discussion of what their position really looks like from inside their head. Instead of reciting to yourself all their annoying habits, lean back upon deference to allow them to bring their ideas into the room. Once there, the ideas can be discussed and supported, changed, or moved to the side. Until they are in the room, they exist beyond your reach at full temperature.

This approach is powerful, if you're willing to own your own power, which is substantial. Your power is in your willingness to invite the conversation and let it flow with minimum guidance. It is likely that when the real reasons appear, you'll find that the path to resolution will emerge from questions like these: What would that look like? How would we start that? What do you want to do first? Now you're on the way to a lower temperature and smoother solution.

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