The Kremlin School of Negotiation by Igor Ryzov

Author:Igor Ryzov
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Canongate Books

HOW TO PARRY SMALL JABS AND FIGURE OUT YOUR OPPONENT’S POSITION

Not every question or remark requires a response.

As humans, it is in our nature to try to give lightning-fast responses to questions we are asked. When negotiating, we need to drop this human quality and instead follow a different principle: not every question requires an answer, especially if it is not clear what lies behind it.

Imagine you are walking down the street and bump into someone you know, and he tells you your tie is always crooked. When he makes this comment, what is his intent? You don’t actually know. The simplest answer would be that your acquaintance, meaning well, wants to let you know that your tie looks a mess (the use of ‘always’ here is, admittedly, confusing). Or it could be that this person wants to assume the right to judge you.

Judgement is a very dangerous thing. When you give someone else the right to cast judgement on you, know that you are giving them the right to do that every day. Today they judged your wonky tie, tomorrow it’ll be the quality of your work, and the day after your professional capability as a whole. Giving someone this right is very dangerous indeed.

This is why the best technique in these situations is the

‘reverse’, a clarification technique.

In English, the word ‘reverse’ has a number of possible meanings, all of which stem from the Latin revertere, meaning to turn back or return. In general terms, a ‘reverse’ is something that is directly contrary to something else: in technology, it is the gear that causes an engine to perform its action in the opposite direction; and in numismatics it is the opposite side of a coin. The same word also denotes the other side of a medal, which can imply a certain level of mystery: what’s the flipside of that award?

It is in the latter meanings that the word has come to be used in negotiation techniques. What lies behind an opponent’s comments? This, reader, is what we have to find out. Alternatively, you can simply ask the person for some concrete advice. In the situation described, you could simply say: ‘What would you advise me to change? How would you advise me to do up my tie?’

This is a very good way of transitioning from the emotional to the rational plane. Firstly, if a person is in a constructive frame of mind – if their comment is well-meaning – negative criticism is not their goal and they simply want to offer assistance on the finer points of doing up a tie, then this forces them to either show you or teach you how. And if they aren’t in the frame of mind for a constructive chat, then the onus is on them to figure out a suitable response. You might well get a response along the lines of: ‘Do I look like a walking tie consultant?’ But in most cases they will simply step back from this emotional exchange, which is also a good thing.

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