The Heroic Path by John Sowers

Author:John Sowers [SOWERS, JOHN]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Religion / Christian Life / Men’S Issues, Religion / Christian Life / Spiritual Growth, Social Science / Men’S Studies, Self-Help / Motivational & Inspirational
Publisher: FaithWords
Published: 2014-05-13T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVEN

Movimentio Es Vida

To start our mythic journey, we must be severed from the world, from the popular voice, and from even ourselves.

Every journey begins with a step. It is a step away, a severance. It begins with leaving home, with movement. Reluctance is normal; we are stationary creatures. It’s hard to say what compels us forward. A moment of inspiration, or spiritual awakening. The death of a friend, loss of a job or a relationship. Stepping on the scales and realizing we’ve let ourselves go. Dissatisfaction. Disruption. Or a magnificent defeat.

Life has not turned out as planned.

When everything to lose has been lost and we are at the end of all things, we may then find the recklessness to take the first step. When Thoreau’s “quiet desperation” becomes a deafening roar, we may pay attention. Whatever force drives us forward, we only change when we embrace fear and walk through the Dark Door.

Tim Ferriss calls this awakening the “Harajuku Moment.”1 He insists no change happens without it. No matter how well organized we are. Our best-laid plans, our New Year’s wishes, and P90X workout videos all fall flat unless the “nice to have” becomes the “must have.”

My Harajuku Moment happened the night my girls were born.

When I held them, my fear was eclipsed by love. Whatever life threw at me, I would handle it for the sake of my girls. I didn’t know everything, or the “right way” to be a dad, but I was bound and determined to figure it out.

In the months after they were born, I worked hard to give them what they needed. My friend Jon Collins told me to be the “best husband I could be,” as my wife would be doing the lion’s share. So I stayed up late nights and changed as many diapers as possible. I learned the bathtub songs. I took them to the park and gave Kari some breaks. I gave them all as much love and affection as possible.

My questions about fatherhood shined a light on broader issues—the questions I still had about being a man and a husband. I felt incomplete. I felt uncertain, stuck in the mud, but I couldn’t say why.

Something Awful was closer than ever before.

I gained 40 pounds, which was reflective of how I felt. I had spent years writing and thinking and talking about rejection and fatherlessness. I felt like it was my banner, my calling to activate the church to reach the fatherless generation. Speaking and living so close to the grief took its toll.

The calling felt personal, which made it hard to have healthy boundaries. So I wrote and spoke and traveled and worked myself into the ground, believing if I could just get more mentors, more young lives would be changed. This led to wildly unrealistic expectations and ended in disappointment. I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough, there had to be more.

I needed to work on my marriage. I traveled constantly, speaking and training mentors, sometimes gone from home two weeks at a time.

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