The Forgiveness Project by Marina Cantacuzino

Author:Marina Cantacuzino
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784500061
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2015-03-01T16:00:00+00:00

Samantha Lawler

USA

Forgiveness is not about forgiving the act but forgiving the imperfections which are inherent in all of us.

Samantha Lawler’s mother was murdered by her father in 1999 at the family home in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Her father admitted to strangling his wife, pleaded guilty to first-degree murder and rape, and was sentenced to life in prison without parole. Thirteen years later, Samantha visited her father in prison – an event which would change her life.

When my sister and I were old enough, my mum decided she didn’t need to stay in an unhappy marriage any longer. When she told my dad she was planning to leave him, he didn’t believe her and would say things like ‘If you leave I’ll put you six feet under.’ But none of us believed him because that was the way he joked. He had never hurt or abused any of us – he just had this tough guy mentality.

It was a month before Christmas when it started getting really bad between my parents – constant fighting which made my mum certain she needed to leave him. We planned to leave after Christmas. Then one day I came home and my mum was lying on the couch. A friend came over and we stayed in my room for about an hour. When I came downstairs, I noticed my mum was in exactly the same position. I knew instantly then that something was terribly wrong. Rushing over to her, I saw her face was covered in blue spots and it was obvious she was dead. When I saw her purse lying next to her, I realized it wasn’t a burglar who had done this – it had to be my dad.

The paramedics arrived, my mum’s body was carried out in a body bag and I realized at that point that nothing would ever be the same again. It was like someone had shut the door and turned off the light.

For the next 13 years I didn’t have a good view of the world. My life was a muted, drunken blur. If people complained they had bad relationships with their family, I had no tolerance whatsoever. I was consumed by a potent mix of grief and anger – grief that I’d lost my mum and anger with my dad for taking her away.

I grieved, but because my parents had both been such amazing people, who had instilled in me ways of coping, I was able to function. I went out, had relationships and appeared to be my normal self. People would tell me it was good to cry, so sometimes I would spend a whole afternoon crying – but it didn’t help. As the years passed, it made no difference to the level of grief and hopelessness I felt.

Finally, when I was 32, I took a three-day personal development workshop. There were a hundred people in the group and I could see how we all shared similar stories of fear, anger, jealousy and despair. What I took from that course was a strong feeling of empathy and compassion towards humanity.

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