The Boy with the Butterfly Mind by Victoria Williamson

Author:Victoria Williamson [Victoria Williamson]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781782506201
Publisher: Floris Books
Published: 2019-10-07T16:00:00+00:00

24

Jamie

The firefighters have just left.

They tried to talk to me, but I was crying so hard I couldn’t hear anything they were saying.

Everyone’s gone home. There were a lot of shouting parents and frightened girls sobbing outside, but it’s all quiet now. Liz is in Elin’s room trying to calm her down, and Dad’s in the kitchen throwing all the bits of burnt table into the back garden. The whole house smells like charcoal. It’s making me feel like throwing up, but I don’t want to climb out from under my quilt where I’m hiding.

I can’t believe I did something so stupid.

I’ve done a lot of crazy things, but even for me that was spectacularly dumb.

What the hell is wrong with my brain? Why can’t I just think like normal people instead of doing the first mad thing that comes into my head?

I made Paige cry, and that hurts even more than making Elin cry.

Paige will forgive me for scaring her though, I know she will. Elin won’t ever forget that I ruined her birthday party. Her giant castle cake went up in a blaze of flames, and she didn’t even get any pictures of it before I spoiled it. She’s going to want revenge when she calms down. Maybe I should just let her build a big bonfire out of all my best things. Maybe that would be enough to stop her hating me.

The thought of seeing more flames makes my shaking worse, and before I know it I’m crying again. It doesn’t matter what I give Elin as payment for wrecking her birthday. Even if she forgives me, I’m never going to be able to stop hating myself.

“Jamie, can I come in for a minute?”

Dad’s knocking at the door, but I don’t get up. He comes in anyway and sits down on the end of my bed. “That was a pretty crazy day, eh Sandwich Man?” he sighs, giving my leg a shake. He doesn’t sound angry or disappointed, he just sounds tired.

“I’ve been thinking… I don’t like the idea of you taking medication for your ADHD, but we’re kind of running out of options here, aren’t we?”

There’s a big pause, and when I just sniff instead of answering he says, “So what do you think, Jamie? Do you want to go back to the doctor with me and see what they say? Do you want to try taking something just for a little while to see if it’ll help?”

“Will it make me normal?” I ask, throwing off the quilt and looking hopefully at Dad.

“I don’t know son, I don’t know what it’ll do,” Dad says, shaking his head. For the first time ever he doesn’t correct me and tell me I’m fine just the way I am. He looks beaten, like a boxer who’s taken too many punches. He’s taken them for me all my life. It’s my turn to do something for him. Something that will make him proud of me instead of always having to make excuses for my behaviour.

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