The Art of Everyday Assertiveness: Speak Up. Say No. Set Boundaries. Take Back Control. by Patrick King

The Art of Everyday Assertiveness: Speak Up. Say No. Set Boundaries. Take Back Control. by Patrick King

Author:Patrick King [King, Patrick]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: PKCS Media, Inc.
Published: 2017-12-29T16:00:00+00:00


Saying no is a valuable skill. In learning to say no, you’ll be able to take control of your life and your time. In learning to say no, you’ll empower yourself to avoid the things you don’t want to do. In learning to say no properly, you’ll be able to avoid tension, confrontation, and ruffled feathers. A life devoid of no is one that is not your own; it is one that is lived for other people.

Like any skill, the ability to say no is often an acquired talent. You, too, can learn how to say no. It may take some time and some practice, but when you become proficient at saying no, you’ll wonder what to do with all the free time you now possess. When Jack told Carlo he would not be able to help him move at the end of the month, he was able to do so because he was resolute in his statement. Jack didn’t leave Carlo with the idea that this decision was open for discussion.

As mentioned before, you’re going to face at least a little repercussion for standing your ground. That’s going to happen when you start saying no as well, even if you use some of the more creative ways we’ve talked about in this chapter.

The people you used to automatically please might be unreasonably offended because they’ll no longer have regular access to you. They’ve been accustomed to just expecting things from you and your doing them without protest. That’s not the case anymore because you’ve altered that relationship, so you can expect some initial blowback.

But in time—just like when you set your boundaries—that anger will recede and hopefully evolve into respect. You’ll be seen as someone who is responsible, organized, and deliberate, not just an over-willing people-pleaser.

Takeaways:

Saying no is one of the toughest situations in everyday life because it is a mini confrontation every single time. But there are many ways to make this part of life smoother and less tense.

Start saying “I don’t” versus “I can’t” because the former implies a policy, whereas the latter implies something to be negotiated. Likewise, get into the habit of saying no to specific and broad categories because that also implies a policy that you don’t make exceptions for.

There are countless ways to say no. You already know a few, including the simplest way: “No” as a complete sentence. Understand that people will react strongly to you if you have a history of people-pleasing and being a doormat.

Other methods of saying no include planting preemptive seeds, emphasizing how you are tied to other people and can’t act independently, reflecting and acknowledging, referencing the fact that you can’t do everything at once, resisting the moment where you want to insert an addendum or caveat, creating hoops for people to jump through and themselves say yes to, baiting and switching with related or unrelated tasks, keeping it nonpersonal and focused on the specific circumstance, and passing the buck to someone who appears to be able to solve the problem at hand much better than you.



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