Reflect & Relate: An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication by Steven McCornack

Author:Steven McCornack [McCornack, Steven]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bedford/St. Martin's
Published: 2015-10-08T07:00:00+00:00

chapter 8 / Communicating Nonverbally 243

DEFINING RELATIONSHIPS

You’re sitting at a local diner, eating lunch and people-watching. Two couples

are sitting in nearby booths. One couple sits with one partner very close to the

other. They cuddle, touch, and occasionally kiss. When they’re not touching,

they’re smiling and gazing at each other. The couple sitting at the next booth

over is behaving very differently. The man sits up tall and straight, his arms

extended on both sides of the table. He glares at his partner, interrupts her,

and doesn’t look at her when she’s talking. Her eyes are downcast, her hands

are folded in her lap, and she speaks softly. What does the nonverbal commu-

nication of each of these couples tell you about the degree of intimacy in their

relationship? the partners’ relative dominance? A final function of nonverbal

communication is to define the nature of our interpersonal relationships. In

particular, we use our nonverbal communication to create intimacy and define

dominance or submissiveness in our relationships (Burgoon & Hoobler,

2002).

Intimacy One crucial function nonverbal communication serves is to create

intimacy, the feeling of closeness and “union” that exists between us and our partners (Mashek & Aron, 2004). For example, in her novel Written on the Body, acclaimed British author Jeanette Winterson (1993) offers a vivid and poignant

description of how the nonverbal code of touch defines intimacy:

Articulacy of fingers, the language of the deaf. Who taught you to write on

my back? Who taught you to use your hands as branding irons? You have

scored your name into my shoulders, referenced me with your mark. The

pads of your fingers have become printing blocks, you tap a message on to

my skin, tap meaning into my body. Your Morse code interferes with my

heart beat. I had a steady heart before I met you, I relied upon it, it had

seen active service and grown strong. Now you alter its pace with your

rhythm, you play upon me, drumming me taut. (p. 89)

But intimacy isn’t defined solely through touch. Physical closeness, shared

gaze, soft voices, relaxed postures, sharing of personal objects, and, of course,

spending time together—each of these nonverbal behaviors highlights and

enhances intimacy. Consider just a few specifics. Smiling and gazing are

associated with intimacy (Floyd & Burgoon, 1999), something vividly illus-

trated in the Beaver family photo in our chapter opening. Individuals share

more personal space with intimates and liked others than with strangers, and

use proximity to convey affection (Floyd & Morman, 1999). Studies that have

instructed people to communicate liking to others have found that the pri-

mary way people do so is through increasing gaze, smiling, and leaning for-

ward (Palmer & Simmons, 1995). Conversely, one can communicate lack of

intimacy and greater formality through distance, lack of eye contact, decreased

vocal expressiveness, precise articulation, and tense postures (Burgoon &

Hoobler, 2002).

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