Puddin' on the Blitz by Tamar Myers

Author:Tamar Myers [Tamar Myers]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Severn House Publishers
Published: 2019-06-25T16:00:00+00:00

SIXTEEN

As Gordon Gaiters hopped off, cross-legged, and trailed Gabe, I turned to Sarah Conway. ‘In the meantime, I’d like you to come meet my granny.’

‘Ooooooh,’ Alison said. ‘I gotta see this.’

‘You’re in for a treat,’ I said.

Alison, who’d surprised me by becoming chummy with Sarah Conway, led her by the hand, and bade her sit in Granny’s favourite rocking chair. My guest took one look at the chair’s unpadded seat and clucked like an angry hen.

‘What’s the matter with you, girlie?’ Granny said. ‘You too proud to plop your sitter down where generations of hard-working Yoder women have sat?’

Sarah Conway nearly jumped out of her Manolo Blahnik heels. ‘What kind of sick joke is this?’ she said angrily.

‘It ain’t a joke,’ Alison said. ‘Ya is a lucky woman. I can’t hear my great-granny Yoder, but Mom can. And our Chief of Police can. But most folks can’t.’

‘I don’t believe this manure!’ (She actually said a word that I can’t repeat!) ‘Miss Yoder, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is some of that evil sorcery that your daughter picked up from reading those Harry Potter novels. The next thing you know she’ll be casting voodoo spells and dancing naked in bars that have peanut shells on the floor. Thanks to you, the Devil might have her so tightly in his clutches by now, that he’s training her to be the Whore of Babylon!’

‘Ah, shut yer trap,’ Granny said.

Sarah Conway spun around. ‘Where’s the speaker? Show me the speaker!’

‘T’aint no speaker,’ Alison said, then giggled. ‘What did Great-Granny say?’

‘None of your business,’ Sarah Conway snapped.

‘I can see through your clothes, girlie,’ Granny said.

‘You cannot!’ Sarah Conway said.

‘Oh yes, she can do that,’ I said. ‘She is a ghost, after all. They have X-ray vision.’

‘What can Granny do?’ Alison said.

‘She can see through clothes, dear. But you already knew that.’

‘Yeah. Ain’t that the reason you put on clean Christian underwear every day.’

I frowned at my daughter. ‘That’s not the only reason that I do it; I am a clean person.’

‘Hey, Mom, have Granny prove to this lady that she can see through clothes.’ Alison turned to Sarah Conway. ‘Don’t worry, lady, Great-Granny don’t never leave this room.’

‘I don’t doubt that,’ Sarah Conway said smugly. ‘At least not yet, because you don’t have the speakers and whatnot set up anywhere else.’

That did it. That hiked my hackles higher than the ones on our Rhode Island Red rooster.

‘OK, Granny,’ I directed her. ‘Tell us what you see.’

Only once before has Granny Yoder’s chair rocked without a corporeal being having their tuchas planted in it. This was the second time. Granted, the movement probably wasn’t enough to soothe a colicky infant, but it was sufficient to elicit reactions from both first-time observers. Predictably, Sarah Conway patted the chair and turned it on its side, looking for electrical wires and/or mechanical devices.

‘Cool!’ Alison said. ‘Great-Granny, ya da best!’

‘Put me back, right-side up,’ Granny snapped. ‘And you’re the one who should be ashamed of yourself. That thing you’re wearing has less fabric than even half of a woman’s hanky.

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