Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss & Tahl Raz

Author:Chris Voss & Tahl Raz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Joosr Ltd

Don’t just get people to say “yes”—you want them to say “that’s right”

The word “yes” has historically been considered the ultimate goal of any negotiation—but not anymore. What you actually need to hear is “that’s right,” because this means you not only have agreement, you also have an understanding. Getting someone to say these two words is about leading them toward their own subtle epiphany, a moment when they recognize their own emotion and feel released from any concerns. So, what does it take to get to those two magic words?

Having tried and tested the techniques revealed so far in isolation, the FBI’s elite Crisis Negotiation Unit (CNU) have since developed a five-stage crisis negotiation model: the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM). That is to actively listen and use tactical empathy to build rapport and influence the other party in a way that leads to behavioral change.

While the BCSM model was developed by the CNU, the core principles can be traced back to findings from American psychologist Carl Rogers. He recognized that forcing your own values on a client to establish the “correct” course of action is not effective, and that, instead, therapists should accept people for who they are and treat them with “unconditional positive regard.”

This approach can be very effective if you truly want to influence the behavior of others, whether they are your business partner, colleague, relative, or friend. Think about it. When someone tells you that you shouldn’t eat this, or smoke that, and that exercise is good for you, will you change for the sake of doing what is right? Probably not. Conversely, if someone was to truly listen to the reason you do those things and help you address the cause of your behavior, you might just begin to realize that a different course of action is necessary.

If you really make an effort to listen to what they are saying and connect with the emotion they are feeling, then you can help to navigate them toward a resolution and influence real change. They will come to an understanding in their epiphany that what you are proposing will facilitate the “right” outcome for their needs, as well as yours.

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