Naomi's Hope by Jan Drexler

Author:Jan Drexler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Amish Romance;FIC053000;FIC042040;FIC042030;Christian fiction;Love stories
ISBN: 9781493407217
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2017-04-04T04:00:00+00:00

Cap willed his thoughts to settle as he sat with his head bowed, his hands clasped between his knees. He had seen the expression on Shem’s face. It was one of greed, not love. Selfishness, not service. He breathed deeply, calming his racing thoughts.

They said this was God’s will, this way of selecting a minister. It was the Ordnung. It was the way they had used to select their leaders for hundreds of years. He couldn’t doubt that this was the right way to do things. But Shem could not be the one who would come out as their new minister at the end of the day.

Cap sighed. He had to control his thoughts. He glanced toward the women’s side of the room, where Naomi knelt next to the bench, her eyes closed. Every inch of her body betrayed her attitude of prayer. Her submission to God’s will.

He closed his eyes again. If God directed all things . . . He steered his mind away from the image of Martha lying on her death bed. Think of now. Think of Shem wanting to be the new minister.

Naomi seemed to believe without question, while all he wanted to do was obey the Ordnung so that things would go well for him.

But if God was sovereign . . .

Martha’s last words came to him, as if he was sitting by her death bed once more. “Don’t turn your back on God. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.”

She had whispered the words as she lay on the bed. His mind tried to turn from the scene, but he wrenched it back. In her last minutes of life, weak from childbirth and blood loss, her plea had been for him. And he had ignored it. He had turned his back on God, just like she had been afraid he would. Somewhere in those numb hours and days after she and their son had died, after he had thrown the final clods of dirt on their grave, he had turned his back on the God who had caused his pain.

No loving God could cause so much pain.

Cap clamped down a sob that nearly escaped. The fists pressed against his eyes were wet.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

His thoughts were of Martha when he said the words, but like a door creaking open, a light glimmered from far away.

He rested, still in prayer, still buried deep within his thoughts. Minutes passed. All around him the community was laboring in prayer. As if from far away, he heard sighs and even a sobbing, whispered cry or two. But he paid no attention. Had he been right to blame God for Martha’s death? He let his thoughts probe the memories of those awful days. He had never felt so lonely as he had then, and the loneliness had continued through the long years. Even his move to this new community hadn’t repaired the damage.

The door creaked a little farther, the light grew stronger.

Whether God had caused his pain or not, he was also the only one who could relieve the agony.

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