Men, Masculinities and Intimate Partner Violence by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Nonfiction, Social & Cultural Studies, Social Science, Gender Studies, Sociology
ISBN: 9781000217995
Publisher: Taylor and Francis
Published: 2020-11-05T05:00:00+00:00

Love, romance and intimacy

In my recent writings (Javaid, 2018b), I found that gay and bisexual men do not often have the resources with which to draw on to communicate love, romance and intimacy through languages, discourses and words because

heteronormativity was reinforced through the expectation that the men would have girlfriends/wives and would engage in (hetero)sexual activity, resulting in some of the men being stuck in the closet. In turn, this made it difficult for them to fall in love with another man.

(p. 160)

The lack of words accessible to express emotion and love in gay relationships enables men to configure patterns of hegemonic masculinity, for to socially practice emotions and vulnerabilities disenables legitimation of unequal gender and sexual relations; power and control over one’s own body and emotions disappear. In gay relationships, I argue that men may be uncomfortable to express emotional needs since such expression runs counter to hegemonic constructs of masculinity. I take this a step further. While constructs of love and emotions are dynamic and fluid through social relations, I suggest that men can draw on love and emotions either discursively or materially when it is desirable and productive in terms of embodying power, as similar to drawing on hegemonic masculinity when it is desirable and productive to achieving power to legitimate unequal gender relations (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005).

Love is powerful. Practices of love, such as saying ‘I love you’, act to secure male rape victims in violent/abusive relationships. Love is blind. The entrapment in gay relationships because of love, of being in love, of falling in love, means that abusive partners are able to form and perpetuate relationship rules that underpin violence as a way in which to circulate power and control and to legitimate unequal gender relations. By doing so, ‘the abusive partner is the key decision-maker, setting the terms for the relationship (traditionally associated with masculinity in men) and the survivor is positioned as responsible for the emotional life and care of the abusive partner and the relationship’ (Donovan & Hester, 2015, p. 199). The violent partner can control the relationship and the love that ties them together, controlling the maintenance of a household, the time the victim is expected to be back at home, and when and how sexual activities take place, etc. (Javaid, 2020). In violent gay relationships, the victims are made to do ‘emotional labour’. Not only dealing with their own emotional pains, scars, isolations and torments but also having to manage their violent partners’ unpredictable emotions. In order to sustain the relationship and to handle the violent partners’ emotional needs, the victims may feel somewhat responsible to do this emotional work. Demonstrating emotional strength to carry on with the ‘loving relationship’ is terribly and dangerously hard work; victims may feel like they are ‘walking on egg shells’. Despite this, the continuation of love remains, the practices of love continue, and the feeling of love does not fade in as much as the bruising and pains garnered from the physical and sexual violence.

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