Manuscript Makeover: Revision Techniques No Fiction Writer Can Afford to Ignore by Lyon Elizabeth

Author:Lyon, Elizabeth [Lyon, Elizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Perigee Trade
Published: 2008-03-31T13:00:00+00:00

Problems with Future Tense

Like an old-time record player with a stuck needle, writers get caught in repetition of the verbs “will,” “could,” or “would.” Although either construction has its place in the nuances of meaning, incorrectly used or repeated they add words and therefore distance from the greater force of a strong verb. In nine out of ten cases, fewer words create stronger prose than more words. For example, look at the before and after revision of the sentence used previously:

Before

She would tell me bedtime stories every night, and I would listen, although sometimes, I would fall asleep, or I would wake up later and would hear my parents talking in low murmurs.

After

Every night, I listened to her tell me bedtime stories, although sometimes I fell asleep or woke up later to hear my parents talking in low murmurs.

In terms of story time, “would” and “could” make actions seem distant, less substantial. They are hesitant, as if the viewpoint character is ambivalent, not willing to commit. The simple past-tense verbs are direct, immediate, and carry conviction. And they use fewer words.

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