Make Your Words Work by Gary Provost

Author:Gary Provost [Provost, Gary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: writing guide, writing techniques
Publisher: Crossroad Press
Published: 2020-06-07T00:00:00+00:00

Love

Jealous

Regret

Concern

Despair

Sarcasm

Desire

Joy

Annoyance

Rage

Satisfaction

Uncertainty

Curiosity

Determination

Avoid Heavy-Handed Dialogue

The reader gets many facts from dialogue, either because only the speaker knows the facts, or because the writer has concluded that dialogue is the most readable way to provide those facts.

But writing dialogue to provide information must be done with care. If it’s obvious to the reader that dialogue is there only to provide information, he will feel as if he’s been accosted in the middle of reading and told, “Just a minute, I’ve got to tell you some stuff you need to know before you read any further.” This sort of dialogue is called heavy-handed dialogue, and it doesn’t work. Heavy-handed dialogue results from characters speaking for the reader when they should be speaking for each other. George tells Joyce things that Joyce obviously already knows, and the reader loses the illusion that the conversation would take place even if he were not there to hear it.

Here are some facts that a writer needs to get across to the reader through dialogue:

A couple is waiting for a new car to be delivered. The car is a Mustang. The day is Saturday. It’s raining out. Carolyn is the couple’s daughter. Carolyn was recently in an automobile accident. The husband has to leave for Cincinnati the next day.

What these facts have in common is that the husband and wife already know them and would not ordinarily tell them to each other. But you want to inform the reader of these facts through dialogue, so you have to work them in somehow.

Heavy-handed dialogue would go something like this:

“Gee, Joyce, do you suppose our brand-new red Mustang will be here soon? It’s two o’clock, the time they promised delivery.”

“Yes, George, today is Saturday. Another rainy Saturday!”

“I hope it gets here soon.”

“Yes, it would be a shame if you didn’t get to drive it today, since you’ve got to go to Cincinnati on business tomorrow.”

“Well, if it doesn’t show up until Monday, you make sure our daughter Carolyn doesn’t drive it. I mean, after all, she had an automobile accident just last week.”

Dialogue sounds phony when people tell each other things they already know. But dialogue that delivers information already known by the characters will work if you push the information into the background. Focus the sentences on something else.

“Well, it’s two o’clock. Where’s the car?”

“It will be here, George, just settle down. Today’s Saturday—they’re probably shorthanded.”

“Shorthanded, hah! Probably joyriding in my car. They’d just better watch the cornering in this rain; I don’t want to see a scratch on that car.”

“Cornering? For God’s sake, it’s only a Mustang, it’s not a Maserati.”

“Yeah, well, it’s my Mustang, and it looks like I’m not even going to get to drive it.”

“You’ll drive it, George, you’ll drive it. Unless you’re planning to stay in Cincinnati forever. Besides, you’re not even leaving until tomorrow.”

“They’re probably picking up broads in it, that’s what they’re doing, picking up broads in my car. Look, if it doesn’t show up until Monday, you guard it with your life. I don’t want Carolyn near it, you understand.

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