Made in Scotland by Billy Connolly

Author:Billy Connolly
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Random House UK
Published: 2018-10-17T16:00:00+00:00

Flora MacDonald by Richard Wilson

Me: He lived for a long, long time and became well known as a curiosity. Oh, no, this is a different guy. [reads] He was introduced in person to George IV, his majesty’s oldest enemy, when the King visited Edinburgh in 1822. But the old veteran of Culloden was given a royal pension of a guinea a week.

John: That must have been a fortune then! Well, good on him for fighting at Culloden … Oh, here is Flora MacDonald. [reads] She helped Prince Charles escape capture after his defeat at Culloden. They disguised the prince as her maid and they left in a small boat just as the militia were closing in.

Me: Charles got rescued by a French ship. Flora got arrested and taken to London, where she was placed under house arrest.

John: She’s got a nice, smiley face, though.

Me: She ended up in Canada, I think, or America.

John: Yes.

Me: Without Charlie, who disappeared into Europe. Now let’s walk through and see some more modern stuff … Is this photograph James McAvoy?

John: Oh, so it is. Who took it?

Me: Eva Vermandel.

John: It’s a bit like him. I met him. He told me that he once auditioned for me and I turned him down.

Me: Oh! Did you?

John: I must have. He’s a wonderful actor but I don’t remember him coming to see me.

Me: Right. Is this one Rikki Fulton?

John: It is, looking for all my life like Rikki Fulton. Who’s it by?

Me: Let me see … Thomas Kluge, acrylic on canvas.

John: It looks like a photograph. He’s verging on an explosion of laughter.

Me: Look, there’s Kirsty Wark over there.

John: Aye.

Me: Kirsty Wark has started a revolution in political commentary. It’s all women, now. An amazing number of women are doing political commentary on television now, all started by her.

John: I know, because she’s very bright. And here’s … oh, dear God …

Me: Your self-portrait! It’s brilliant!

John: The thing was … I always looked like that. I mean, exactly like Frank Zappa. In 1972 I was in Los Angeles on the Sunset Strip and this tall black guy came over and said, ‘Hey, Frank, you remember when we played with the Muscle Shoals?’

Me: Really?

John: I kept trying to tell him he had the wrong guy but he wouldn’t listen. Then he went off. Anyway, it was B. B. King.

Me: Ha!

John: Then I went into a drugstore and Al Kooper was there and he said, ‘Hey, Frank!’ And I thought, Oh, I’ve had enough of this palaver!

Me: Oh, here’s your drawing of Tilda.

John: Aye. I did it in less than twenty minutes. I just mussed up her hair and scribbled it down.

Me: It’s colossal. The life in it is amazing.

John: Well, it’s pretty lively because I was on edge because she had to go out and was about to bolt out the door at any minute. Right, where’s my painting of you? Oh, there you are.

Me: There I are.

John: Who did I paint that for again?

Me: It was a Sunday newspaper, wasn’t it?

John: Yes … was it the Sunday Herald?

Me: I think so.

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