Lunch with Lucy by Sherry Stewart Deutschmann

Lunch with Lucy by Sherry Stewart Deutschmann

Author:Sherry Stewart Deutschmann
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781733478113
Publisher: An Inc. Original
Published: 2020-03-20T16:00:00+00:00


PASS THE SALT—AND THE EMPATHY

You may be wondering what this particular story has to do with my overall theme of bringing empathy to work. How can you use empathy to provide your employees with performance feedback or have the humility to accept performance feedback from them when you need it? The Bible tells us “let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.” I’m not a likely source of Bible quotations, but this one has always stuck with me. Although there are varying interpretations of this verse, I take it to mean that I could make my message more palatable by choosing my words carefully. If you want to make any message more palatable or meaningful for an individual, you must start by knowing that person well—and having that person know you well too. It’s only then that you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes (and they in yours) and be able to speak with directness and kindness as you deliver your message.

Here’s where my approach differs from that of most business coaches and esteemed authorities. Many of them advise you to give corrective feedback in a “sandwich” format. You start by praising the employee, then tell them something they need to work on, and close with praise. That might work for some people, but it just doesn’t work for me, no matter which side of the table I’m sitting on.

“The most effective and compassionate way to deliver criticism is to be direct.”

If I were on the receiving end, I’d know that criticism was coming. I would brace for it, and I would be too distracted with anticipation to hear the positives—and the positives would be outweighed by the negatives anyway. When I’m on the critiquing side, I feel like a fraud if I start out with praise and then follow up with negative feedback. This tactic feels manipulative. The most effective and compassionate way to deliver criticism is to be direct.

A few months before Dad passed away, we sat side by side in his matching leather recliners. He told me I was the only person he felt he could talk with honestly about his mistakes and his regrets. It was at once a burden and a privilege to be his confidante. But that one night of fear and courage as a twelve-year-old taught me to see the value of facing tough situations and conversations head on, and that was a lesson that has helped me many times in business. Empathy for my mom is what made me take action and speak up to my dad in spite of my fear. I can channel that little girl today and recall her dread and anxiety when she felt compelled to confront an authority figure—her own father. I can also put myself in an employee’s place when they are courageous enough to challenge my decisions or actions. Channeling the young me makes me more approachable and reasonable, so I can actually listen to what my employees have to say.



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