Love's Contrivance by Centlivre Susanna

Author:Centlivre, Susanna
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fiction, drama, comedy, farce
Publisher: Distributed Proofreaders Canada

Tickle. What's the matter, Mr. Selfwill, is not your Daughter well?

Self. Not very well, Mr. Tickletext, she has an Antipathy against a Cat, and it seems one look'd into the Room just now and made her faint away.

Tickle. Why truly one may observe a great deal from Sympathy and Antipathy; but pray what did you send for me for, Mr. Selfwill?

Oct. Only to say Grace, that the Lady and Sir Toby might fall too; but you have staid so long, Mr. Parson, that the Lady's Stomach is gone.

Sir Toby. You are very satyrical upon your Friends, Mr. Octavio; but I hope her Stomach will come again, as you call it tho'.

Self. Or I'll make her eat against her Stomach, I can tell her that.

Bell. Ay, but Uncle, that seldom digests well, and what don't digest will throw the Body into a Fever.

Self. Does it so, Mrs. Quack.——Do ye hear, I suspect a Trick. [Aside to Belliza.]

Tickle. If the Lady be not well you had best defer it till to-morrow, Sir Toby.

Self. No, Sir, there's a Necessity of having it done to-night.

Bell. What, tho' my Cousin can't speak, Uncle?

Self. Hold your Tongue, you Jade you; if she can't speak she shall make Signs.

Tickle. What! can't the Lady speak? Nay, then I'll have no hand in the Business; I do not think I can justify it, when I don't know if the Parties are willing.

Self. The Parties are willing.——Sir Toby, are you not willing to marry my Daughter?

Sir Toby. 'Tis what I design.

Self. And is she not my Child, have not I a right to dispose of her as I please?—I say she shall have him; and if she can't speak, I'll answer for her myself.

Tickle. Truly, Mr. Selfwill, I must beg your Pardon, I'll not do it.

Self. Then, Sir, [Taking off his Hat.] you may let it alone, I'll have those that will; and, Sir, if you won't do my Business, I have no Business with you, there lies the Door.——The Obstinacy of Women and Priests wou'd confound the Patience of any Man.

Tickle. With all my Heart, Gentlemen your Servant. [Exit.]

Bell.. Lord, Lord, Uncle, why should you affront the Gentleman, because he has more Conscience than you?

Self. Hussy, hold your Tongue. [Holds up his Cane.] Was ever Man thus plagued?

Sir Toby. Truly, Mr. Selfwill, I think 'tis better to defer it till to-morrow, as Mr. Tickletext says.

Self. But do you think what may be the Consequences of it, Sir Toby?

Sir Toby. That's true, but no matter, I'll sit up with her, and then let him come if he dares.——How do you, my dear? [They stand about Lucinda.]

Oct. Madam, shall I never see you at Bellmie's Lodgings again? [Aside to Belliza.]

Bell. I believe not, Sir.

Oct. Why then I know what I know.

Bell. Pray what's that, Sir?

Oct. You'll see me very often at yours, that's all; for I find by the beating of my Pulse, the Motion of my Brain, and the heaving of my Heart, I am very far gone in that dangerous Distemper called Love, and you are the only Physician can save my Life.

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