Living at the End of Life: A Hospice Nurse Addresses the Most Common Questions by Karen Whitley Bell

Author:Karen Whitley Bell
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Tags: Relationships, Non-Fiction, Death, Medical, Bereavement, Terminal Care, Family Life, Grief, Life Stages, Later Years
ISBN: 9781402768385
Publisher: Sterling Publishing Company, Incorporated
Published: 2018-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

I’M EXHAUSTED!

EXPLORING CARE SETTINGS OUTSIDE THE HOME

Choosing a Care Facility, If Needed, and Paying for Care

Francine and Walter

“IT’S JUST TOO MUCH,” WALTER SAYS, shaking his head. “If I were in better health, if our children lived closer, maybe I—” He buries his face in his hands. “I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

I lay my arm around his shoulders, holding him until the tears subside. Finally, he lifts his head. “I should be able to do this for her,” he says, wiping his eyes. “If I were stronger . . .”

“You’re doing an amazing job, Walter. Taking care of a loved one is an incredibly demanding job, even for someone in good health. But the truth is, when we reach this point in life, often we’re older, and our spouse is older, too. In many families, like yours, the children are grown and live far away. They’re not able to take time off from their jobs to help. Oftentimes, that leaves someone like you, older, not in good health, wanting to do the best you can to take care of someone you love. This happens to a lot of people, Walter, and there are good options we can consider.”

“I just want to take good care of her . . .”

“You are. And you’ll still be able to take good care of her, but with help.”

“How?”

“If you just need a short break, hospice can provide respite care, someone to provide the care and give you a break for up to five days, periodically. We would pay for someone to come into your home and care for her around the clock, or transfer her to another place to receive care for five days.” I gauge his reaction. “But I think what you’re telling me is that with your health, you’ll need help continuously, beyond just a few days.”

He nods and fresh tears flow. “I don’t want that, but I just can’t do this anymore.”

“That’s okay. You’ve done an amazing job. By finding help to take care of Francine, you’ll still be there for her, you just won’t be exhausted, and you won’t make yourself sick. You’ll be able to be with her, supporting her as her husband. And that’s important.”

He turns away. “We promised each other we wouldn’t put the other one in some awful old folks’ home. I just can’t do that to her. There’s got to be another way.”

My arm tightens around his shoulders. “There is. There are different types of places, some are large facilities, some are family homes. Yes, some places aren’t great, but there are some wonderful places, too.”

“We don’t have much money. Just our Social Security and a small pension. We own the house. I could sell it, I suppose, maybe move in with one of the kids. I don’t really want to do that, but if I have to, to get good care for Francine . . .”

“Let’s look at some options. I’ll call the social worker and she’ll help us figure this out.”

“What

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