Limitless Sky by David Charles Manners

Author:David Charles Manners
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473501676
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

LXI

If the mind, when filled with some desire, should seek a goal, it only hides the Light.

Song of Mahamudra

‘I CAN ACCEPT that the real me is more Nama “inner nature” than Rupa “outward appearance”,’ I conceded. ‘But jhankri-dajoo, I still don’t understand – who or what is my true self?’

‘Let us unravel a little further who you think you might be,’ Kushal Magar replied, as though intentionally to tease me, when all I really wanted from him was the revelation of some insightful truth.

‘Well, I know I’m a bit of loner,’ I began, ‘but on the whole good-natured, I think. Curious about the world. Largely liberal in attitudes and politics. Something of a dilettante if I’m honest—’

‘But is this who you are?’ he asked, interrupting what threatened to be a lengthy and indulgent list. ‘Or are these just qualities of the external personality – a role you have been taught to play by the culture that has “civilised” you to see, think, act and even feel according to its preference?’

I felt myself draw back, as though such a proposal were a personal affront.

‘But surely we all need roles for society to function,’ I insisted.

‘We certainly have a responsibility to maintain social stability through the fulfilment of Artha, the second Aim of Life. However, we diminish, even harm ourselves and others by identifying solely with roles that we adopt in mindless compliance.’

He paused to offer a kindly smile, as though to ease the force of his next assertion.

‘The truth is, brother, you have played your assigned roles for so much of your life that you can no longer differentiate who you really are from the person – or people – everybody else expects you to be.’

My mind was in ferment, for if this were true then it was time finally to admit that the inherited burden of familial, social and religious expectation had indeed borne down heavily on my perception of myself and thereby my experience of life. That the requirement to conform to a tyranny of approved norms so contrary to my nature had, in truth, delivered me to a lifetime of disquiet and depression.

‘So what are the roles that you have learnt to play?’ he pressed. ‘The Victim or the Hero? The Bully or the Clown? Is yours the biddable Good Boy or the delinquent Bad?’

I had no notion of how to respond beyond the discomfort his enquiry provoked.

‘Important questions. And invaluable answers. For the roles by which you identify yourself have a far greater impact on the choices that determine your experience of life than you might ever wish to imagine. The words you say to yourself have power – whether or not you know you hear them.’

I thought of my parents’ female friends who had identified themselves solely as nurturers and devoted mothers for so long that when their children had grown up and moved away they had found themselves depressive and adrift. I thought of my parents’ male friends who had identified themselves as the man-behind-a-desk-with-nameplate-on-the-door

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