HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict (HBR Guide Series) by Gallo Amy

Author:Gallo, Amy [Gallo, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2017-03-13T16:00:00+00:00

“Here’s what I’m thinking.”

“My perspective is based on the following assumptions . . .”

“I came to this conclusion because . . .”

“I’d love to hear your reaction to what I just said.”

“Do you see any flaws in my reasoning?”

“Do you see the situation differently?”

Davey provides two additional rules when it comes to what you say:

Say “and,” not “but.” “When you need to disagree with someone, express your contrary opinion as an ‘and.’ It’s not necessary for someone else to be wrong for you to be right,” she says. When you’re surprised to hear something your counterpart has said, don’t interject with a “But that’s not right!” Just add your perspective. Davey suggests something like this: “You think we need to leave room in the budget for a customer event, and I’m concerned that we need that money for employee training. What are our options?” This will engage your colleague in problem solving, which is inherently collaborative instead of combative.

Use hypotheticals. Being contradicted doesn’t feel very good, so don’t try to tit-for-tat your counterpart, countering each of his arguments. Instead, says Davey, use hypothetical situations to get him imagining. “Imagining is the opposite of defending, so it gets the brain out of a rut,” she says. She offers this example: “I hear your concern about getting the right salespeople to pull off this campaign. If we could get the right people . . . what could the campaign look like?”

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