From the Core by John Wineland

Author:John Wineland [Wineland, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: SEL031000 SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / General, SOC018000 SOCIAL SCIENCE / Men's Studies, SEL032000 SELF-HELP / Spiritual
Publisher: Sounds True

Finding True Freedom

While the primary feminine complaint usually has to do with the myth of not enough love, the core masculine complaint involves the burden of responsibility. In fact, the weight of responsibilities are usually what men blame for their lack of availability to their intimate partners. More often than not, however, it’s not so much the amount of work a man has on his plate that’s behind the habitual closure, but his relationship to it. The myth he suffers from tells him that freedom is possible, but only when such-and-such happens down the road to alleviate his burdens—more money, less debt, a graduating child, a less demanding partner. Men (myself included) are subject to believing in these alluring delusions.

The truth is that complaining about our burdens—actual or imaginary—doesn’t serve us as much as fully feeling the place within us that aches for freedom. Most men I know feel a profound pain around not being able to experience true freedom, and many of them don’t even know that this is what’s behind their hopelessness and inability to be present in the moment. They will point to the surface-level problem of being overly busy while ignoring the yearning at the core. I believe this is why so many men are suffering from depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Not because something is wrong with them, but because they are not truly willing to face the ache in their hearts they have for real freedom.

Instead, they just pile on more shit to do, or they make endless lifestyle changes, thinking that completing some task or hitting some fundamentally arbitrary goal is going to liberate their hearts and souls. They will swallow whatever pill is meant to convince them that achievement equals freedom (or perhaps it’s traveling the world or sexual liberation). Well, as any of us who have achieved substantial goals in life or have traveled extensively or have had multiple sexual partners will tell you—those experiences won’t do it. They’re nice in their own way, but they’re not going to set you free.

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