Friedman's Fables by Edwin H. Friedman

Author:Edwin H. Friedman [Edwin H. Friedman]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781462511495
Publisher: Guilford Publications

Jean and Jane

Jean and Jane were very good friends. But Jean and Jane were in no way alike. For Jane was very friendly, always cheerful, always happy. But Jean was more reflective, rarely laughing, rarely smiling.

While Jean stayed pretty much to herself, even in groups, Jane was the life of every party. While Jane entered any room and immediately attracted a crowd, Jean entered any room and remained so inconspicuous it was as if she were not there.

Jean was not really less attractive, yet she attracted less. Jane was not really a superficial butterfly, yet she was never alone.

As time went on Jean began to worry about the difference. “Why is it,” she thought, “that Jane always has more fun? Why is it that I, on the other hand, am always so unhappy? Does Jane simply know better how to win friends and influence people? If so, where did she learn it, and why haven’t I, Jean, learned it?” Jean reflected on her own patterns and came to see that there was no clear reason for their difference.

She and Jane were the same age, had about the same physical attributes. Ok, Jane was a blonde. But some men liked brunettes. They each could sing; each played about the same game of tennis. Ok, Jane was a better swimmer, but she couldn’t play golf!

The more Jean thought about Jane, the more depressed she became. It was not just envy. Jane was the reflection of her, Jean’s, own potential. Jane, right now, in the present, was all that Jean ever wanted to be but somehow found herself unable to be. As Jean brooded about this problem, things worsened. She isolated herself more. Then she functioned less. Eventually she stopped going out at all. And who would have wanted to be around her anyway?

Throughout this time, Jane continued on her way. Almost every evening the phone rang. At the club she was invited to every activity. For she was, after all, a pleasure to be with. Even at work others admitted that they worked harder in her presence, and she almost never had to eat by herself.

Finally, Jean, with great effort, managed to establish a relationship—with a therapist. Weekly she went, and she began to discuss her problem, how no one seemed to want her, how she was usually left out of things, if not completely ignored, how jealous she was of Jane. Slowly, she talked about her own behavior. Carefully, she revealed her inner feelings. Hesitantly, she discussed her past.

As time went by, she made some progress, but it always seemed to be overshadowed by Jane, who, if this was possible, became even more popular than before. Thus Jane continued to be a reminder to Jean of what a woman could be. “Hah,” thought Jean one day, about 6 months after she had begun to work on her problem, “why, if Jane ever had to see someone for professional help, she’d probably be through in a matter of weeks.”

It was in the

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