Forever by lucio buffalmano

Author:lucio buffalmano
Language: eng
Format: mobi, pdf
Published: 2019-09-03T11:21:01.589423+00:00

• Fix them

• Try to distract her from them

• Make fun of them

• Mock them

• Ignore them

Men shouldn't think of emotions as troubles that need to be fixed, but as opportunities for emotional connection.

5. Personal Insecurities & Fears of Vulnerability

The following example is from the wonderful book “The Social Animal” by Elliot Aronson.

Phil and Alice Henshaw are washing the dishes.

They have had several friends over for dinner, the friends have left, and Phil and Alice are cleaning up. During the evening Alice was her usual charming, witty, vivacious self. But Phil, who is usually delighted by her charm, is feeling hurt and a little angry.

It seems that, during a political discussion, Alice had disagreed with his position and sided with Tom. Moreover, she seemed to express a great deal of warmth toward Tom in the course of the evening. In fact, her behavior could be considered mildly flirtatious.

Phil is thinking: “I love her so much. I wish she wouldn’t do things like that. Maybe she’s losing interest in me. God, if she ever left me, I don’t know what I’d do. Is she really attracted to Tom?”

But Phil is reluctant to share his vulnerability, so he actually says: “You sure were throwing yourself at Tom tonight. Everybody noticed it. You really made a fool of yourself.”

And just like that, begins a nasty battle.

It doesn’t have to be just one partner by the way, it can be both who are secretly insecure and who seek the confirmation of their love in the pain of our partner.

Seeking love in pain, ain’t that ridiculous?

Yet it happens in a huge number of relationships.

And this is why the courage of vulnerability and direct communication are so important for great relationships.

6. Negative Outlook

When the four horsemen become a mainstay of the relationship, couples change the internal self narrative of who their partner is and what the relationship is about.

Couples who are badly entrenched in their negative outlook view everything that happens through negative lenses.

That means that you mostly see and focus on the negatives and miss on the positives.

And when you do see a positive, you might spin its significance in your head.

Example:

Him: She is being strangely nice… She wants something or she feels guilty for being such a bitch

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