Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time by Scott Susan

Author:Scott, Susan [Scott, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2004-01-06T00:00:00+00:00

If your stomach flips at the thought of confronting someone’s behavior, you’re in excellent company. It is far less threatening to talk about declining sales than to look straight into someone’s baby blues and address her specific behavior that may be causing the decline. Instead, we talk with others over lunch and by the coffeepot about the person whose behavior is driving us mad.

James Newton shared a unique point of view on critiquing others behind their backs. He asked, “How do you housebreak a puppy? Put it in a crate. What’s the one thing a dog won’t do in its crate? Poop. I sure wish human beings were as smart.” Complaining to anyone other than the person with whom you have a problem is like soiling your own crate. If you really want to resolve the issue, go directly to the source and confront the person’s behavior one-to-one, in private.

Understandably, many of us fear confrontation because it hasn’t gone well in the past. All attempts to date have failed miserably. We don’t know how to make it better this time, and the stakes are fairly high. We sense that a monster is lurking in the bushes and today is not the day we are prepared to take him on. Or this is not the hill on which we’re prepared to die. Our fears may include these:• A confrontation could escalate the problem rather than resolve it.

• I could be rejected.

• I could lose the relationship.

• Confronting the behavior could force an outcome for which I am not prepared.

• I could incur retaliation.

• The cure could be worse than the disease.

• I could be met with irrationality or emotional outbursts.

• I might hurt his or her feelings.

• I could discover that I am part of the problem.

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