Didn't You Promise (A Bad for You Novel) by Amber Bardan

Author:Amber Bardan [Bardan, Amber]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Carina Press
Published: 2016-06-12T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eighteen

Haithem

The water laps like oil in the moonlight on the sides of the fishing boat. What laps inside of me is far darker. I’ve cursed myself. Cursed myself to death.

Cursed myself to live with what I’ve done—and what I’ve done to her.

I lean in the doorway, gazing outside, but I’m listening to the sounds inside the dirty little office that’s now mine. I might be alive, but I’m completely fucking sure that this is not living. This is a mockery of life.

I step back and close the door to the outside. The chill stays with me. Ice in my bones. I return to the open laptop and rewind the recording, and listen to the fed’s words again.

This fed, Hannah Goodman, is too damn inquisitive. I don’t like her. Respect her yes, she’s smarter than everyone else who’s spoken to Angelina so far, but I don’t like her. I don’t like her being near Angelina.

As if she doesn’t have enough to deal with. As if she doesn’t have enough to cry about.

I move the recording ahead, after the cop has gone. Eavesdrop on Angelina’s pain. I don’t skip over the tears. I deserve to hear them. That’s my burden. I won’t stop listening until she stops crying.

The tears stop, and her breathing evens.

“Haithem,” she whispers my name. Whispers like she’s calling me, like she knows I’m here. Listening. As though she’s worked out all my tricks and all the lies.

I hit pause on the audio. Only she can see so cleanly through me. The way she watched me before she left. Did she know I’d been planning something? Does she know the watch is bugged? That there really are no boundaries to what I do to protect her.

Angelina sees who I am. Soon enough, she’ll despise me for it. I close the recording, and open another application on the laptop. At least she’ll live through my ambition. There’s nothing left leading from me to her.

The cursor flashes, waiting for my instruction. Too late now to back down. Almost done. Before her there was only pain and determination. Now I know what it means to love, and what it feels like to need someone. I need her. Just not as much as I need her to stay alive.

There’s no going back. What’s done is done. We’re nearly there. Ready to burst into the world—a tsunami of change—unstoppable. I used to be sure. So sure that nothing could be more important than bringing my father’s legacy to life. Except now if forced to choose I’d save her over the world.

I draft a new message. One that’s coded and will be encrypted.

When I actually die, when I truly meet my fate, there will be a place in hell for me. For everything I’ve done, I deserve whatever suffering is to come.

Justice can come get me when it’s ready, but it won’t stop me. I type the words that will protect my love.

What I’ve done, as despicable as it may be, I know one thing for sure—the only unfixable thing in life is death.

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