Dementia in the Family by Lee Cardwell

Author:Lee Cardwell [Lee Cardwell]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: HEALTH & FITNESS / Diseases / Alzheimer's & Dementia, FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Eldercare
Publisher: Self-Counsel Press
Published: 2017-03-01T05:00:00+00:00

2. Friends’ Stories: Other Mothers

My friends and I used to discuss the latest accomplishments of our children: Ben’s first tooth, Laura’s first word, John’s first steps, or Erin eating from the dog’s dish one day. Now we discuss the latest antics of our ailing parents. I think it is important for people who are going through the same struggles to talk about them with each other. It gives you the feeling that you are not alone, and some of the stories are quite humorous, allowing you to laugh when things are anything but laughable. I do not think that finding the humor in someone’s failings is a bad thing. In order to endure the bad things in life, we sometimes have to look at the dark humor or the absurdity of the situation to allow us to process it. Developing a sense of humor is an effective coping skill that can lead to better overall health. You can form a bond with others going through similar situations and it can keep your challenges from overwhelming you. Laughing together can make your very abnormal normal seem better, somehow.

Every time I talk with one of my best friends in Ontario, she has another story about her mother. Her mother suffers from delusions, and although she is taking antipsychotic medication for this, the doses sometimes have to be adjusted. It also seems that if her mother is suffering from some sort of urinary tract infection, her system gets out of alignment and the negative behavior increases.

One time she went to visit her mother and was told by staff at the long-term care facility that her mother had been very distraught. Taking her mother outside for a walk, my friend was able to get her to relax a bit. As they sat on a park bench with my friend holding her mother’s hand, her mother shared what was bothering her.

“I think I may be pregnant,” she confided.

My friend managed to suppress an outburst of laughter. She had dealt with this type of situation enough times to know that she should not try to convince her mother that she was wrong but that she should rather go along with the fantasy and try to change the subject or divert her mother’s attention away from this confession.

“That is very interesting, Mother,” my friend said. “I am sure we can find a way to make this go away. Have I told you about the latest things that your grandson is doing? He is starting a fundraiser for a friend of his who has a disease. Isn’t that great?” she continued.

“Don’t tell your father about this,” her mother warned in a conspiratorial whisper, “and we cannot talk about this in that place,” she added, as she nodded toward the long-term care facility.

“Mom, I really think we should talk about something else,” my friend said, trying to change the subject.

With that her mother burst into tears and grabbed my friend’s arm. “Don’t you understand what I am trying to

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