Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys by Dave Barry

Author:Dave Barry [Barry, Dave]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-307-75874-3
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2010-07-27T16:00:00+00:00

When Guy C comes in, he will clearly choose urinal no. 3. He is not crazy about it, but he still has a one-urinal buffer on each side:

But now in comes Guy D, and he has a real guy problem, because whatever urinal he picks, he’ll be right next to two other guys. This is very upsetting. Some guys in this situation will choose to pee in an enclosed stall, or wait until there’s a buffered urinal available, or go way off to the side and pee against the wall, as follows:

If Guy D does go to one of the available urinals—say no. 2—he and guys B and C will all stand rigid, staring intently straight ahead, as though the wall tiles were inscribed with a secret formula for turning Grape Nuts into platinum. DEATH BEFORE EYE CONTACT, that is the motto of a guy at a public urinal.

I realize that you women out there think I’m making all this up. But ask the guy in your life to read this section, and I bet he’ll nod in recognition. He’s been there, and he knows the behavior I’m describing. But he has never felt comfortable about discussing this subject with you, because this is an extremely sensitive area for him. Also he knows it’s stupid. Although it doesn’t hold a candle in that department to an even bigger kind of guy problem—possibly the biggest guy problem of all:

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