Dancing at the Crossroads by Czarnota Lorna;

Author:Czarnota, Lorna; [Czarnota, Lorna MacDonald; Koch, Diana]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Parkhurst Brothers, Incorporated, Publishers

The relationship between children and adults needs to be collaborative and based on some fundamental ideas. For someone to relate to children or adolescents, they need to understand development, adolescent growth and critical issues. Adolescence is a time of building identity. The child is breaking away from identification by connection to the family, parents, home, or their siblings and peers. They are trying to establish themselves as separate individuals. Friction between children and their parents exists because there is a change in the relationship. Both parties are trying to let go, causing resistance and confusion. On one hand, family members want things to remain as is; in other ways they want things to change. Staying connected is difficult. During the teen years, children are motivated by a sense of belonging to a group, which happens to be their peer group. While this might look like extreme behavior to some caregivers it might actually be an attempt to find a sense of belonging. Adolescents are trying to establish themselves as individuals and want to be active with their peer group. Most adolescent peer groups really want to be separate from any other age groups as they go through this growth together.

While there is a sense of an adult/child relationship, we must understand that it houses unique individuals with different behaviors. We should remember that most behaviors serve a purpose. If bad events happen, but there is enough of a connection between the adult and the teen, everybody can take a breath and remember that child's individual needs. The adult can ask, “How does this make sense for this child? What is he or she trying to tell me or express right now?” This is not the same as condoning, excusing, avoiding, or ignoring the behaviors. It is a way of helping an adult deal with hard issues such as drugs, sexual behavior and acting out at home or school. The adult can connect to the “real” child before they address the behavior. This is especially true when working with teens. If we do not honor their separateness as people, they will put up a wall to anything we might have to say, no matter how well meaning that may be. We must accept that it will be stressful for everyone involved, while remembering where the relationship started. We need to remember what the relationship is about and maintain a level of caring, even during those times when we wonder if it is worth it. Difficult times are just one piece of the relationship; they do not define the whole relationship. This recognition helps the bond survive.

Diana Koch

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