Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

Author:Lundy Bancroft
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2015-03-02T16:00:00+00:00

“I’m not a bad person for craving kind, loving, and sexy treatment.”

CLARITY

Feeling Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Earlier in this book, I wrote about how important the dynamic of payback is in understanding how abusive men think and behave. Now let’s consider the effects on you. Because your partner uses payback, much of your energy goes into anxiety about whether he will explode if you defy him or even do something “wrong” accidentally. The result is that you come out feeling trapped between bad choices, such as:

“It’s really going to hurt my life if I don’t finish school, but if I stay in school he’s going to make life hell for me.”

“Spending so much time alone is messing up my head, but he tears me to pieces when I try to see friends.”

“He’s destroying our financial situation, but when I try to talk to him about money he goes ballistic.”

“I’m really going downhill from being in this relationship, but if I leave him I think he might kill me.”

Take a few minutes to write in your journal, reflecting on the binds your partner creates for you. And notice the wrongness of what he is doing.

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