But Hope is Longer by Tamara Levine

Author:Tamara Levine
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Breast cancer
Publisher: Second Story Press
Published: 2012-10-10T00:00:00+00:00

Letting Go – Again!

Maybe it wasn’t surprising that some latent emotional issues began to surface once I got away. When I was in the thick of treatment, it felt like it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other and get through chemo. Although there had been tears and poignant moments along the way, some of the hard stuff was no doubt lying dormant because cancer was the only front I could handle at the time.

In Oaxaca, after a few days of yakking over spectacular Mexican breakfasts with some wandering women filmmakers from Toronto, we had revealed enough about ourselves that I felt comfortable telling them I was going through breast cancer. We were able to weep together then, and later hugged as they were leaving, promising to find each other at our next stop down the coast.

A couple of days later, we traveled to Puerto Escondido. We found a restaurant near the beach for supper on our first night there, where we encountered a couple from Alberta we had met in Oaxaca who invited us to join their table. The conversation was pleasant enough, but I knew almost immediately that the talk would be light and superficial, and that this was a relationship I had little interest in pursuing. Post-diagnosis, I was becoming increasingly clear about not wanting to spend time with people simply to chitchat, as my time was too precious and possibly limited.

I imagined that Larry was feeling the same way until I heard him tell the couple that I was in the middle of breast cancer treatment. I was taken aback, hurt that he would be offering such intimate information about me to virtual strangers. Naturally, the talk then zeroed in on my cancer like a magnet, and I felt raw, exposed, and uncomfortable through the rest of the evening. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Back at the B&B, I tearfully told l Larry how I’d felt blindsided by him at supper. He seemed surprised that I was so upset and that I’d had such a strong reaction to what had transpired, especially since I had shared my medical condition with the women in Oaxaca. Larry was confused, but I explained that I needed to be the one to decide whether to tell new people what was happening in relation to my cancer. I needed to feel safe, and if I was going to share what was going on, it would have to be with people I wanted to open up with, as I had with the women from Toronto. Cancer was my story to tell, and unless I chose to open the door first, it was off limits. It was a sensitive issue, but we had a pretty solid pact after that.

It is important for cancer patients to explain to the people we love how we feel about confidentiality and disclosure. Cancer is often new territory for everyone involved, and it’s essential to put ground rules into place.

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