Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People by Ronald M. Shapiro & Mark A. Jankowski

Author:Ronald M. Shapiro & Mark A. Jankowski
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307237187
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2005-06-07T00:00:00+00:00

Asking Without Offending: Opening the Air Vent

Even though the Situationally Difficult person is now on the way to fourth or even third gear, asking her the wrong question may send her right back into fifth gear. Some examples of bad (blunt, confrontational, accusatory, sarcastic) questions include:

“What the heck is wrong with you?”

“Why are you being so emotional?”

“Why are you taking this out on me?”

“Why do you always act this way?”

“Who spit on your Cheerios this morning?”

We recommend that you ask questions more effectively by using “probing encouragers.” These are questions that encourage more conversation (not just short answers) without any hint of being judgmental. They allow the other side to vent without feeling attacked. Some examples include:

“Tell me more.”

“Help me understand.”

“What happened?”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Is there anything else?”

You will note that not all probing encouragers are questions. The first two probing encouragers are probably the most effective because they allow the other side to vent without feeling as if they are being interrogated. Remember, your purpose in asking questions at this point is less about gaining information to solve the problem than it is about taking someone from third down to second and first gear.

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