British History For Dummies by Seán Lang

Author:Seán Lang
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2011-01-05T05:00:00+00:00

To fund his projects, James borrowed; he forced people to lend him money; he sold trading monopolies; and he even invented a new hereditary title, baronet, which he sold to hundreds of eager buyers – social climbing’s not a new idea. But all his efforts weren’t enough. James had inherited a rich court, and he wanted to make the most of it, commissioning new buildings and paintings in the latest baroque or Jacobean (from Jacobus, Latin for James) style. By the time he died in 1625, he had no credit at the bank and not much in Parliament either.

Charles I

If ever a man asked for every bad thing that came to him, that man has got to be King Charles I, James I’s son. He was arrogant, untrustworthy, and, above all, utterly blind to the reality of what he was up against. James I had left a very tricky political and religious situation to his successor. Charles (who only became king because his elder brother Henry died unexpectedly) made it a whole lot worse.

Buckingham’s palace?

We’ll start with George Villiers, Duke of Buckingham. He was James I’s great favourite, possibly even his lover. But Buckingham very sensibly took care to make friends with James’s heir, too. He took Charles on a madcap jaunt to turn up unannounced in the chamber of the Infanta, the King of Spain’s eldest daughter, and demand her hand. Presumably Villiers and Charles thought this act was a lark, but the Spanish were incensed. When the two got back to England, Charles married a French princess, Henrietta Maria, instead.

Out of sour grapes, Buckingham persuaded James to declare war on Spain. Now was the time for Buckingham to demonstrate his capacity for military genius – or rather his genius for military incapacity:

Netherlands, 1625: Plan: English troops land on Dutch coast and liberate the Protestant Netherlands from hated Spanish rule. What actually happened: Buckingham forgot to pack any food for them, so the men died from hunger and disease.

Cadiz, 1625: Plan: Buckingham leads a Drake-style attack on Cadiz to capture the Spanish treasure fleet. What actually happened: Buckingham’s men got so drunk they couldn’t fight; the fleet mutinied; and the Spanish treasure fleet sailed safely home, no doubt baring their buttocks at the English as they went. Parliament discussed impeaching Buckingham. Instead, Buckingham stirred up trouble with France.

La Rochelle, 1627: Plan: Brave Buckingham liberates the French Protestant stronghold of La Rochelle. What actually happened: The Protestants (Huguenots) wisely refused to let him in, so he landed on the Ile de Ré instead. But he forgot to bring reinforcements, so the French simply crossed over and massacred his men.

Portsmouth, 1628: Plan: Buckingham descends on La Rochelle, kicks Catholic butt, saves the world for the Protestant religion, and throws Cardinal Richelieu into the Seine. What actually happened: Buckingham got stabbed at Portsmouth by an officer called John Felton, who’d walked all the way from London specially to do it. So much for Buckingham.

Dissolving Parliament

Parliament spent the first

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