Before I Had the Words by Skylar Kergil

Author:Skylar Kergil
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2017-02-22T16:00:00+00:00

7 Puberty blockers are used, often pre-puberty, to block hormones that come with puberty. If I had been pre-puberty, around 11–12 years old, my doctor might have put me on blockers. Once I had gone through puberty, it didn’t make sense to try to block estrogen, which had already done its job.

2008

IT WAS 2008, OVER EIGHT years after the world was supposed to end at the turn of the century.

I borrowed the car and drove up Interstate 495 on a rainy June afternoon. While I felt optimistic, I didn’t know what to expect. I was nervous, worn down. Ready to start something while being prepared for it to stop suddenly.

It wasn’t a waste of time with the last therapist, I kept reminding myself, she helped me during the time I was waiting to get here … I think … hopefully this is finally the right spot …

I felt ready to move forward with some physical or legal steps in my transition. Socially, I’d stagnated. I was seen as a boy as much as I could be seen as such. At least, many people treated me with respect by using he/him pronouns and calling me Skye. I’d been trying to treat myself with respect, but dealing with my body was a battle I fought daily.

I was fortunate to blossom in a community that, while not necessarily ready for transgender people, was willing to learn. As senior year swiftly approached, the future seemed less certain. But I knew full well that I wanted to be on testosterone and Rachel seemed to be the one who could get me there.

Rachel practiced therapy right out of her house. I entered the small office space behind her garage. Her shelves were full of books dealing with gender, depression, and being a teenager. She was a bright, warm person, and I instantly felt comfortable around her, which was a huge relief. She began by asking me a bunch of questions about my past, including my past experiences with therapy, and what had led me to her that day.

“I haven’t felt like my previous therapists were knowledgeable about gender. And it was pretty discouraging to have to educate them, you know?” I said.

“That’s understandable. And in many ways, therapists who don’t have the right training for your issue may not be able to effectively help you, although they can, of course, help in other ways. I want to let you know I’ve had dozens of trans clients, ranging from pre-teen to adults, and that therapy is a conversation about what’s going on, not a checklist of criteria to fit a certain mold.” She was super calming and friendly.

She asked me questions about my identity and how the past year had been. I mentioned the slow progress with my parents, noting that I wanted to fully come out to them again once I knew what my future was looking like. She asked what I meant by that.

“You know, I was questioning my gender for a long time, and

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