Apician Morsels by Dick Secundus

Author:Dick Secundus
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC

CHAPTER XIV.

GOOD ADVICE FOR GOOD DINNERS.

HAPPY indeed shall we be, if the manner, perhaps a little too concise, in which we further propose to treat the subjects connected with these pages, do not tire our readers; and more particularly so, should it dispose them faithfully to fulfil the indispensable functions to which they are called, as much by their bad fortune as their good appetite.

I. On your first introduction to any house of respectability, make it your business to sift the character of the host, or master of the house, so that you may be upon your guard not to utter any thing offensive either towards his affections or sentiment; and you may, on the other hand, be assured that he will be careful to avoid every thing that is likely to come in contact with yours, either directly or indirectly; unless it be his intention to get rid of you altogether.

II. It is inconsistent with the spirit and duty of a person invited, to be low and cringing towards those by whom he has been invited; this, indeed, would be the surest way to make your company obnoxious to a man brought up in the great school of the world; for nothing is more opposite to true politeness, to the usages dictated by the bon ton, than servile adulation. We would wish you then to dispute sometimes with the master of the house,—(we say nothing about the mistress, because women are never in the wrong, if not de facto, at least de jure). You must contend with your host in such a manner, that the apparent contradiction may ultimately tend to place both your own wit and his in a more exalted point of view. Nothing will give him greater pleasure than a contradiction on your part, which in fact will be nothing less than a well-timed compliment.

III. As, at a great feast, the conversation cannot be general, we would advise you never to raise your voice, otherwise you will place yourself in a very ridiculous situation by pretending to engage the attention of thirty or forty different guests, the greater number of whom scarcely know each other. You must content yourself by chattering with those who, either by chance or your own address, are placed by the side of you, should they be civil enough to make you any reply. This brings to our mind a little anecdote, which, with permission of our readers, we will here relate.

Mr. Eatingtown (see Plate 1.) was once invited to dine with Mrs. B—, who, on this occasion, had collected together a numerous and fashionable company. Mr. Eatingtown hitherto had not opened his mouth, but had remained satisfied with listening, and profiting by the observations of others, when, for the first time, he addressed himself to his left hand neighbour, at the moment the dessert was placed on the table; it was not long before he had reason to regret having so thoughtlessly taken it into his head, at so unseasonable a time, to have endeavoured to make himself so agreeable.

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