All Pride, No Ego: A Queer Executive's Journey to Living and Leading Authentically by Jim Fielding

Author:Jim Fielding [Fielding, Jim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781394165292
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2023-07-31T00:00:00+00:00

5

How to Define Enough?

I spent most of my life chasing something elusive and unique. I wanted to be “successful.” I honestly am not ever sure what it is, but with hindsight, I think I started this quest at a very early age. Remember, I was raised in a blue‐collar, middle‐class, Midwestern family. We were taught very early about the value of money and how to save and be frugal. I seem to have been born with a certain taste and aesthetic that always had me searching for “more.” I also am certain I was trying to fill some void in myself and was trying to wrap myself in the comforts of newness and materialism. I sought happiness and validation through acquisitions and external stimuli, which is actually a very hollow and temporary fix.

My parents, especially my father, taught us a very early life lesson about the difference between what you want and what you need. He drilled that into us on many occasions. For me, it usually surfaced around back‐to‐school shopping time. In those days, the ritual of back‐to‐school shopping began about four weeks before the start of the school year, which was always the Tuesday after Labor Day in Ohio. Our family practice began with a review of what still fit or was good enough from last year. My personal process began with a review of teen magazines and catalogs. My parents would discuss and set a budget, and that money had to cover everything … shoes, backpacks, clothes, underwear, socks … everything! Even at a young age, like nine, I would try to argue for a bigger budget! My Dad started to educate me fully on this topic as I was entering 4th grade. I was becoming conscious of what was “cool,” and my shopping list looked different that year. I had saved my allowance for the shopping outings, but it was obvious to my parents that I was short of the funds necessary for my expectations. Dad took this opportunity to say, “You have champagne tastes on a beer budget,” and to introduce the Fielding family ledger concept.

The family ledger was an old‐fashioned accounting book he kept in his desk drawer. He started a page labeled “Jimmy.” It was a physical record of the difference between what you “want” and what you “need.” For example, that year I wanted Calvin Klein or Jordache jeans, but the budget allowed for Sears Tuffskins. There was about a $30 differential between the options. My Dad would loan me the difference and note that transaction in the ledger. Entries would include the date of purchase, the item description, and the delta between the cost of my choice versus the “approved” option. If I received extra allowance or birthday money, I could pay down on the account and that would all be recorded. So began a lifelong recordkeeping that continued (without interest!) until I was in my late 20s. Thank goodness it was not an interest‐bearing account.

I realize now that he was educating us in a very tangible way about the value of money and hard work.

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