A Steadfast Surrender by Nancy Moser

Author:Nancy Moser [Moser, Nancy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-56441-2
Goodreads: 8183962
Publisher: Multnomah
Published: 2010-05-05T00:00:00+00:00

Merry turned off the television. The sounds of TV people going through the highs and lows of their lives were often distracting, but tonight their inane existence—they dared to be happy—got on her nerves.

She hated them.

The sudden silence reinforced her depression and loneliness. A quiet house in the morning didn’t bother her, nor one after work. But once the sun went down, it was disconcerting to have no hope of hearing anyone’s voice but her own until morning, when she went back to the library. She had two lives: the one with people at work, and the one without them. Alone. Her public and private faces were not the same. Two masks, veiling the real Merry Cavanaugh.

If only Sim were here.

A quick thought sped in and then out. Had she invited Sim to stay with her for her own benefit more than Sim’s? Was she that desperate to not be alone?

What bothered her more than aloneness was the fact that she was getting used to it. There was shame in that. Since her family was gone for good, shouldn’t she be grieving for good?

Yet acceptance was not assent. Battles were still fought daily. Merry lived in a constant state of frustration at her family’s absence. Every time she’d get a notion to share a thought, ponder a decision, or discuss her day, she’d find her sounding board gone. Without Lou’s response, the details of her life were not free to return to her nourished and refreshed. Without his input, they fell to the ground half-formed. And because she was getting used to not receiving feedback, she feared she was getting used to not receiving anything from anybody. The wall that separated her from the world was getting higher. And the bricks of grief were very strong, rough, and heavy.

Hadn’t God created man and woman to be together? Two by two? Wasn’t she obligated to be half of a couple? Wasn’t that the right order of things?

Everyone said she should date again. Bailey had certainly made his intentions known. Yet even when her interest flared, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Dating led to commitment, and commitment to grief.

Besides, it wasn’t like she needed a man. She’d done all right since Lou’s death. She wasn’t one of those women who didn’t know how to balance a checkbook or unstop a toilet. She’d always prided herself on being able to do whatever needed to be done. She didn’t need a man to do for her.

But did she need a man to be for her?

If she were to date…the main advantage of living in Steadfast was also the main disadvantage. What Bailey said was true: The small population limited her options in the dating game. Sometimes it seemed the only answer was to move back to the city for a few months, tap into the larger population pool, find a companion, and then return to Steadfast. But such schemes weren’t feasible. And so she waited.

Would her heart ever be ready to let a second man into her life? Maybe if she started slowly? Lunch? Or even dinner?

Dinner.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.