A Safe Place to Sleep by Jennifer L. Jordan

Author:Jennifer L. Jordan [Jordan, Jennifer L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781883523701
Google: WoniAAAACAAJ
Amazon: 0963407503
Barnesnoble: 0963407503
Goodreads: 12656565
Publisher: Our Power Press
Published: 1992-10-15T03:00:00+00:00

Chapter 13

The next Saturday, with a twinge of guilt, I realized it had been a long time since I’d talked to my grandma.

Pretending to be on my way home from the library, I stopped by her house to see if she needed any groceries.

As independent as Grandma Ashe was, she’d never learned to drive a car. Once, I’d gotten her to take a spin around the block on my moped, but that was the extent of her motoring experience.

Whenever I could, I stopped by to take her grocery shopping. I rarely needed groceries myself because I never ate at home, but I didn’t mind taking her.

I rang the doorbell several times but got no answer. Undaunted, I peered in the front window and spotted Grandma sitting comfortably oblivious in her living room. By banging on the screen and jumping up and down, I finally got her attention.

We met at the front door.

“Hi, honey, why didn’t you ring the bell?” She hugged me.

“I did,” I said, suppressing my irritation. “Maybe your hearing aids aren’t working, Grandma,” I added, although I could see full well she wasn’t wearing them.

“Oh, I only wear them when I have company. I’ll go get them.” She retreated into the bedroom.

When she left the room, I walked over to her mantle and studied the family pictures I’d seen a hundred times before. This time was different, though. This time, I was looking for clues.

There were my cousins in long hair and bell bottoms, and there was my grandpa, a man who died before I was born.

And there was our family. Father, mother, four girls and a boy. Even then, even when we were all together, we looked miserable, especially me. My body language told it all. In every picture, I was standing a good foot away from everyone else, looking perpetually mad. Forever, I had tried to separate.

My grandma returned, hearing aids in place.

“Do you think Mom and Dad were good parents, Grandma?”

She looked at me quizzically, like I’d grown two heads while she was out of the room, and for a second, I thought she wasn’t going to answer.

“They did their best, honey. That’s all anyone can do.”

“But do you think their best was good enough?”

“That’s not for us to decide,” she said in a conversation-ending tone. I knew I’d pushed her too far, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t keep pretending, even though I knew that’s exactly what she wanted me to do.

She handed me several sheets of paper she’d brought from the kitchen. They were coupons, and they returned us to the safety of our superficial rituals. She always gave me coupons to restaurants; I always pretended to use them but instead threw them away when I got home.

“Here’s a two-for-one at Gino's. And another one for Maxi's, but it expires this week. I haven’t seen you in a while, you know,” she delivered a mild reprimand.

“I’ve been busy—” I started to explain.

“And you’re not looking good, Kristin,” she interrupted me.

Just once, just one measly time, I wished someone would tell me I looked good.

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