A Gentleman's Gamble by Maggie Dallen

Author:Maggie Dallen
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: 0
Published: 2018-08-20T18:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FIVE

The remainder of their carriage ride that day was spent in relative silence. Eliza wasn’t certain what was going on in Jed’s mind—a fact that disturbed her—he was typically easy to read. And by that she meant, he was typically happy.

But he’d seemed to have fallen into a bout of thoughtfulness, his brow furrowed as he stared out the window.

She thought to speak several times, but each time changed her mind. She wasn’t typically so wishy washy, but after that bizarre interaction she had no idea what to say. Part of her wanted to press him for answers. Why had he reacted so strongly to the idea of her bearing another man’s child?

But then again, reason told her that most men would likely have the same reaction. It did not mean anything. He might have agreed to live separate lives, but she supposed most men did not relish the idea of being made to look like a fool.

At other times she’d thought about apologizing. She was not oblivious to the gossip surrounding the Clevelands, particularly their father’s philandering and the way his children, particularly the younger ones, tended to look little like his wife. It was clear that Jed had misconstrued her meaning. Perhaps he’d taken offense at her suggestion that he would be so thoughtless as to have a child outside of marriage.

But it was not as though she thought he was just like his father, she merely thought he was like all men. Perhaps that was not the most valid reasoning, though in her experience, gentlemen tended to view the world as theirs for the taking.

Oh dear, that sounded bitter and jaded even to her.

Lord but she hated this. She prided herself on being an uncomplicated woman with relatively clear-cut emotions. This churning mix of guilt and shame and irritation and confusion…it did not suit her.

That night as they went into their respective rooms, she found herself stewing over the matter some more. One more day and they would be wed. She refused to find herself married to a man with this sort of uneasiness and uncertainty between them.

She might not have appreciated the way in which he’d brought up the topic of children, but he’d been right to do so. It was a matter they ought to have discussed before setting off to Gretna Green, and it wouldn’t help matters to put the topic off any longer.

If he wanted legitimate children he ought to know without a doubt that he would never have them with her.

She did not desire children, just as she had no need for love or romance in marriage.

Guilt nagged at her as she neatened her appearance in the mirror. She was set to meet Jed for dinner in the inn’s pub, as they had done the night before. Over dinner she would give him the answer she’d avoided in the carriage.

She did not want children.

Yet again, the lie made her squirm. She did not want children...on her own. Like every silly fool, she of course had harbored her fair share of dreams as a girl.

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