You Throw Like a Girl by Don McPherson

Author:Don McPherson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Akashic Books
Published: 2019-08-08T16:00:00+00:00

THE ULTIMATE INSULT

For several years after college, during my involvement with the student-athlete leadership team program, I worked with elementary school children who were the same age as Sidney and me on the day we fought. Ironically, the fight never came up in discussions during those years. It was not until I began working with college-age and older men on issues specifically related to men's violence against women that I recalled the incident. Once again I was twenty-nine years old and just beginning to deconstruct the social forces of gender and masculinity on my life. Working with men forced me to examine the innocent days of my youth to better consider the origins of those forces. It also led me to probe deeper together with other men, which included asking them to name the worst insult they heard as little boys, during the most innocent period of their lives.

The consensus in their responses, across every demographic, and to this day, is striking. Though they may not use the same verbiage, they invariably say the ultimate insult is being equated or likened to a girl in any way. No matter how it is delivered—as a taunt, insult, or challenge—to do anything "like a girl" indicates inferior maleness. Their responses are sometimes visceral because of the relevance this dynamic maintains in their lives today. The ensuing conversation galvanizes them around their collective experiences as men and their uneasiness about acknowledging their inherent sexism.

Applying this conversation to a time of innocence helps men consider the truth about sexism and misogyny without being defensive. While the ultimate goal is to understand the depth and impact of misogyny, it's also critically important to identify the innocuous way it becomes entrenched. To that end, in the course of this discussion I typically ask if they have seen The Sandlot, a 1993 film about nine boys and their love of baseball, set in a suburban California town in the summer of 1962. It is a feel-good story that evokes the playful innocence of boyhood. When I mention the film, it eases the tension of discussing sexual violence. The response is always warm, with the mere mention of the film filling the room with youthful silliness. And as if on cue, someone will shout, "You play ball like a girl!"—a direct quote from one of the film's most memorable scenes. We may not all identify with baseball, suburban California, or the year 1962, but the familiar moment arrives when the innocence of boyhood is confronted by its nemesis. The boys' greatest opponent is not another team but the charge of association with girls.

The sandlot boys were innocent and seemed to only care about one thing: baseball. They competed against no opponent, just for the love of play. But the dramatic moment happens when a group of boys from a neighboring town arrive to the sandlot and challenge them to a game. The two teams line up against each other, chests puffed out in a faux-intimidating pose, and launch into a barrage of insults that at first are gender neutral.

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