The Problem with My Normal Penis by Obioma Ugoala

Author:Obioma Ugoala
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner UK
Published: 2022-03-30T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

I first met Leah when I was eighteen years old in a central London pub. I had decided that I would be taking a gap year before applying to drama schools and attempting to begin a fledgling career as an actor. From the moment we locked eyes across the bar, the conversation sparked with an organic energy that felt electric, with neither one of us pausing for much thought. With pale white skin, fiery red hair and green eyes, she was nearly a foot shorter than me. The repartee flowed seamlessly, as we traded quips about her job working in PR and growing up near the border of Scotland. Before long, the intensity of the back and forth increased, and I found myself in a black cab accompanying her to her west London flat. The fact that she was eleven years older than me did not seem to daunt her in the slightest; in fact it was seen as an added bonus, apparently deeply flattering that she could still garner the attention of a younger man.

It was the beginning of one of the most significant relationships in my life. While I use the word relationship, I should clarify the parameters of our dynamic, as they were anything but usual. Relatively inexperienced as I was, I could hear my brother’s years-old advice in my head: ‘The main thing to do, is just listen. Whatever they want to do, be on board and go with it. But just listen. They’ll tell you what they want.’ Aware of the stark age gap between us, but also that we had undeniable chemistry, Leah was quite up front about her expectations.

‘I don’t mind what you get up to, as long as you’re careful.’

‘So, we’re not exclusive?’

‘I have no interest in fucking anyone else. I’m very happy with what I have here. But I understand you’re a young man and you have desires.’

Having heard what she wanted, and knowing that it wouldn’t limit me in any traditional sense, I saw no downside. Updating my schoolmates, who had been suddenly thrown into the whirlwind that is university fresher social life, many stated their envy at my having found an older woman to be my ‘friend with benefits’. Casual drinks or company at the theatre were par for the course, after which we would spend the night together. It was the morning after one of these trips to the National Theatre that I pondered something borne of my own inexperience.

‘So, is there anything you would like to try that you haven’t? It could be anything,’ I enquired as we lazed in bed.

‘…’

‘Go ahead. No judgement here. Honest.’

‘I have this fantasy of a big Black guy taking me in the middle of the night.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Just. You know. Stood at the base of my bed and in the middle of the night, waking me from my sleep and having his way with me. That moment of not knowing what is happening. Being disorientated and then… you know?’

Oh.

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