Swingland by Daniel Stern

Author:Daniel Stern
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Touchstone

Lesson 7:

Know Your Couple

I’ve said it before and I’ll scream it till the end of time: The Lifestyle isn’t for everyone. But it is for the right people with the right reasons with the right attitude.

Who are these “right people,” you ask? In general, adults open to alternative sexual scenarios. Who aren’t as judgmental as the layperson. Who are tolerant and accepting. Who are at peace living—at least part of the time—outside the conventional definition of “normal.”

“Right reasons” are harder to define, as they have many shades of gray.1 Broad reasons to sexually experiment or explore are just as valid as specific ones to experience a certain position or scenario. At their core, right reasons have a selfish motivation that doesn’t minimize another’s. Say you want a threesome and a married couple invites you into their bed. As much as you may think otherwise, you haven’t stumbled across a pair of prostitutes with altruistic, kinky hearts or sex therapists working pro bono. This couple has a personal stake in the threesome as well. If you’re aware of this fact and sensitive to it so you don’t make the experience all about you, then you’re swinging for the right reasons. To quote one of modern civilization’s finest thinkers, Bill S. Preston, Esq., “Be excellent to each other.”

A quick example of a wrong reason to swing: I met a couple who behaved snippily toward each other at our bar meet. Perhaps ignoring the obvious because of my horned-up state, I chalked up their crabbiness to their personal—albeit odd—version of foreplay. I don’t judge, remember? I’m one of the “right people.” We moved things to the hotel, began playtime soon after arrival, and, while the wife performed oral on hubby, he began to snore. I heard it and prayed she didn’t, but when I looked up from between her legs to see her grip tightening around his cock, I knew she had. Before the door to their marital cage match locked me inside, I made a speedy exit. It goes without saying they were swinging for the wrong reasons.2

Unfortunately, I can’t articulate the “right attitude.” All I know is, it’s the result of being one of the right people with the right reasons. The right attitude has friendliness, patience, and understanding. A sensitivity and responsiveness to others. Adaptability, honesty, and, above all, mindfulness to everyone.

While these qualities are present in all true swingers, Lifestylers come in many colors. Meaning, not everyone is compatible, especially couples. When there are two personalities that must also act as one, the recipe for compatibility complicates exponentially. Unquestionably, when deciding whether to engage in a swing experience, couples must consider their individual personalities and their marriage. This means each spouse contemplates a possible swing situation from three vantages (his, hers, and theirs). Talk about frustration! Sure, one spouse could “take one for the team” or throw caution to the wind, but that’s not a marriage anyone wants to be part of.

To alleviate some of the aggravation in the

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