Reaching for Hope: Strategies and support for the partners of transgender people (Living in Hope) by DeWitt Hall Suzanne & DeWitt Hall Declan

Author:DeWitt Hall, Suzanne & DeWitt Hall, Declan [DeWitt Hall, Suzanne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-11-30T00:00:00+00:00

Dysphoria

Dysphoria is the emotional distress experienced by transgender people due to the mismatch of their physical being and their gender identity. Numerous body image issues can be dysphoria triggers, including the presence or absence of facial and body hair, menstruation, genitalia, voice, and musculature. Dysphoria can also be triggered by things like being misgendered, looking at old photos, dealing with bureaucracy that demands use of a deadname, or interacting with family members who can’t or won’t acknowledge your loved one’s gender identity.

It can be very hard to separate whether dysphoria is caused by inherent internal states or social expectations. As life unfolds from childhood to adulthood, the two become so intertwined it can be impossible to separate them.

Avoiding dysphoria completely is probably impossible, but if you pay attention to what the triggers are, you may be able to reduce the frequency or degree of disruption by thinking creatively. For example, if your loved one manages the paperwork for your household, you could take on that task until a name change is completed and rolled out through the various places that require it. One trans woman experienced significant dysphoria when she saw herself without a wig. There were mirrors on the bedroom closet doors, so her dysphoria was triggered every morning when she woke up. To prevent this, her partner hung curtains in front of the doors so the mirrors could be used when needed but weren’t visible at times when her beloved didn’t want to see them.

Trans people experience phases of greater and lesser pain about not looking, sounding, or otherwise presenting the way cisgender people do. Reaching a stage of acceptance about the limits of change for their particular situation is an essential part of the transition journey. There will be joys about some changes and frustration about things that can’t shift. Focusing on the things that can be achieved rather than those that can’t is helpful, as are mindfulness practices.

Hopefully a day will come when they realize that being the particular beauty of themself is enough. And hopefully that day comes soon.

You’re going to feel like you have to be validated by cis society to truly be a woman. You’ll think that if they don’t approve, you might as well not have transitioned at all. That is 100% not true. Your gender and presentation only needs the validation of yourself.

Cassiopeia Violet Drake

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