Powerful Leadership Through Coaching by Michael K. Simpson

Author:Michael K. Simpson
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781119529040
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2019-11-14T16:00:00+00:00

Practical Applications in Developing Empathic Listening Skills

How does a leader make people feel important? First, by listening to them. Let them know you respect their thinking and let them voice their opinions. As a bonus, you might learn something!

—Mary Kay Ash, business leader, entrepreneur, pioneer in direct marketing and consumer products

Holding a black belt in any martial art requires mastery at the highest level of proficiency. Empathic listening is like the black belt of listening. Empathy is a skill that requires self-confidence, self-mastery, and self-control. By being a faithful translator, you engage in listening with your eyes, ears, and heart to understand the feelings of another person from their personal, intimate perspective.

Marshall Goldsmith wrote, “The thing about listening that escapes most people is that they think of it as a passive activity. You don’t have to do anything. You sit there like a lump and hear someone out. Not true. Good listeners regard what they do as a highly active and connected process—with every muscle engaged, especially the brain and the heart. Basically, there are three things that all good listeners do: they think before they speak; they listen with respect; and they’re always gauging their response by asking themselves, ‘Is it worth it?’ ” (Goldsmith 2014, p. 47).

Imagine that a co-worker, Erik, calls you one evening. He wants to talk to you about a business situation that arose that day. If possible, he wants to meet first thing in the morning.

What are some practical steps to developing space, time, and effective listening skills when you meet with a co-worker like Erik?

Ensure that you have cleared your calendar and that you have ample time to listen.

Ensure that your meeting space is free of any physical, psychological, or social distractions—the room temperature is comfortable, and your cell phone and other electronic devices are turned off or silenced.

Allow for time and space to not feel rushed. Do not look at your watch, phone, or laptop, or in any way signal that you are in a hurry and need the conversation to be done.

Use body language to signal to the person that what they say is important and valued.

Your first goal is to empathize with whatever they have to say.

Intent is huge and cannot be faked. When it comes to empathic listening, intent counts more than technique. You are both equals in the conversation. If someone can see and feel that you are sincerely trying to understand their point of view, it won’t matter if you don’t get the technique exactly right. The important thing is to give them a safe place to share and connect.

Use “I” messages when restating what you are hearing. “I” messages are nonjudgmental and safe. Here are some examples: “I definitely hear the concern. You’re not feeling that . . .”

“I appreciate your honesty. I’m hearing that you’re frustrated with . . .”

“That is a very good question, just tough to answer. I am sensing that you’re concerned about . . .”

“I definitely want to share my perspective and feelings on that.

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