Mean and Shellfish by Tamar Myers

Author:Tamar Myers [Myers, Tamar]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Severn House Publishers
Published: 2021-01-12T22:00:00+00:00

EIGHTEEN

I came to my senses in Toy’s strong young arms just seconds later, but of course I didn’t let on right away. I’m only half as stupid as I look, if I do say so myself. Toy was born to be a hero and raised to be a gentleman. He scooped me off my feet and carried me into Agnes’s living room (I made sure that my head was resting against his shoulder), where he laid me gently on her sofa. Then he patted me ever softly on my cheeks with hands that were both manly, and well-manicured.

‘Magdalena,’ he practically cooed, ‘Magdalena, are you in there?’

‘Of course she’s in there,’ Agnes said. ‘Maybe she really did faint, but she’s faking it now. You can always tell by her breath.’

‘Her breath?’

‘Yeah. When she pretends to be asleep, or unconscious – which happens more than you think – her breath smells like rotten pumpkins.’

‘It does not,’ I said, and sat up so quickly that I bumped heads with poor Chief Toy.

‘You see,’ Agnes chortled. ‘I told you she was faking.’

‘I was not.’

Toy’s blue eyes twinkled as he rubbed his forehead. ‘Actually, I can detect the faint odour of last year’s jack-o-lantern.’

‘Very funny. But seriously, am I remembering correctly – before I fainted dead away – that the snake was a rattler?’

‘That’s right,’ Toy said. ‘A rather large one at that. Nice and fat. Agnes here is quite a brave little trooper, a real hero in my book. She needs to be given some sort of award. I don’t know of any other woman who would have remained as calm and collected under those circumstances as she did. Why, when she called me—’

‘What about me?’ I said.

‘You fainted,’ Agnes said. ‘Dead away. And you were so terrified from just hearing the word “rattlesnake” that you remained passed out until after Toy carried you in from the kitchen.’

‘Well, the snake was attached to my waistband. I ought to get some credit for that.’

‘Ladies,’ Toy said gently, ‘I do believe that we have lost sight of what’s most important here.’

‘That I saved her life?’ Agnes said.

‘That I ruined her TV dinners?’ I said, and then slapped my mouth. ‘Oops, that just slipped out. I’m sorry, Agnes.’

Agnes smiled. ‘Did the Devil make you say that?’

I smiled back. ‘No, those particular thoughts I’m keeping to myself.’

Toy cleared his throat loudly. ‘Ahem. We’ve lost sight of the fact that even the most intelligent rattlesnake is incapable of opening and closing a car door. Therefore, one can safely surmise that the snake in question was placed in Magdalena’s car by someone who wished to do her harm.

‘Also, I think that it’s possible there could be a link to the snake and the three previous acts of vandalism within the last twelve hours. It’s pretty clear to me that someone, or some party of persons, was not happy with Hernia’s Fourth Annual Billy Goat Gruff Festival.’

‘What about the bodies found in my cousin Sam’s dumpster?’ I said. ‘Do you think that there’s a connection there?’

Toy cocked his head.

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