Immigrant by Golara Haghtalab

Author:Golara Haghtalab [Haghtalab, Golara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: memoir
ISBN: 978-1-63730-418-1
Publisher: New Degree Press
Published: 2021-08-21T00:00:00+00:00

There is the world

and

There is an “I”

sitting on the edge of it

I must have felt lonely, ashamed, and imperfect even in my own eyes all those days. Finally, when I peeled enough insufficient layers of my beliefs and unlearned a ton about different topics around my identity, I was ready to love myself fully. The first sign of self-love for me materialized as a healthy sleep routine. Every night, I slept at least eight hours. This way, I was starting most of my days energized, and that was how I became a morning person. Having an extra hour in the day helped me have enough time to do the things I enjoyed. I started writing poetry, checked on my friends, and took extra-long baths with a candle lit.

I only realized the major change in my behavior recently. This past summer, I felt empathy for someone else’s pain as they screamed at me out of frustration and called me names. Instead of reacting to their words, I just stood there and felt deep sadness for the pain they were holding onto inside. I surprised myself even more when I prayed for them a few nights in a row. I prayed so their pain could go away, and they could live a happier life. Praying for others had never been a thing I used to practice. It seemed like I had a loving heart, and it was finally shining through me.

Looking at how far I have grown since 2019, I might have become a little kinder. But is kindness enough? Kindness without boundaries and limits perhaps can also cause pain. How does one build boundaries? I came back to the present moment when my phone buzzed. “May I talk kindly to others” was the first mantra I added to my phone calendar with a daily reminder at 5:30 pm that was displayed on the phone screen the day I left my old life and my ex. I smiled and whispered, “Indeed.”

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