How People Tick: A Guide to Over 50 Types of Difficult People and How to Handle Them by Mike Leibling

Author:Mike Leibling [Leibling, Mike]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Business & Economics, Management, Human Resources & Personnel Management
ISBN: 9780749457334
Google: TIbcx3y5GKAC
Publisher: Kogan Page Publishers
Published: 2009-04-03T15:26:09+00:00

Boundaries

In all cases, remember who you are: possibly their boss, or colleague or friend, and probably not their full-time fully supervised trained counsellor or therapist. However well meaning you are, you have your own job to do, and life to live, and cannot be on call for them all the time.

Out of your depth

Be aware also that there are some people whose sense of insecurity is so rock-bottom that almost nothing you try will work.

In these cases, you might even suspect some form of clinical depression, so don’t meddle! The best help you can give is to consult with an expert and – here’s the exception to the ‘almost nothing’ above – to support the person while they get the appropriate professional help.

Stick to work

There is often such a lot going on ‘inside’ the person that any external interference, however well intentioned, can cause whatever is going on to fall apart, spill out or even explode.

Unless it’s relevant to their performance at work, it’s not normally appropriate or desirable to pry or interfere.

Stay on the surface

The safest way to avoid getting into deep water is to keep conversations about work at an impersonal behavioural level – for example: ‘Will there be a problem with that deadline?’ rather than ‘Will you be having a problem with that deadline?’

And if you’ve noticed that they are avoiding conversations about non-work subjects – eg family, weekends, friends – keep conversations to work topics that are relevant to you both.

Follow their lead

Since there’s such a lot going on inside, just smile and leave them alone. This is a clear friendly message that you’re not crowding them, or prying.

‘Not even little ripples, please’

I remember someone coming to the third session of a training course I was running, having missed the first two with no advance warning. Immediately they arrived, they explained that they might have to leave early, and then went to sit alone, clutching the back of their chair, which they had moved to an empty space near the door.

At the first break they rushed up to me, explained that they knew all this stuff anyway, and rushed out. I later heard that they’d been coping with illness, divorce and more, and – quite rightly – didn’t feel able to cope with any more.

I remembered how they’d been clutching onto their chair like a life raft, and the expression ‘keeping your head above water’

came to mind. I can understand that if someone is just about managing to ‘keep their head above water’, the last thing they need is someone making waves, or even ripples.

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