Emotional Equations by Chip Conley

Author:Chip Conley [Conley, Chip]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Published: 2012-01-10T05:00:00+00:00

WORKING THROUGH THE EQUATION

Create a “to-be” list. We’re all familiar with “to-do” lists, and some of us feel lost without them. But when was the last time you created a “to-be” list? What is it that you authentically want to be when you grow up? This could be a series of identities such as being a mother or being a leader at work or in your community. Or it could be a series of qualities that you aspire to, such as being lighthearted and humorous no matter what’s going on or being a source of wisdom within your extended family. Just be careful not to let any of the “doing” elements get in the way of your “being.” When in doubt, ask the question “Who do I need to be—not what do I need to do—to represent my authentic self in the world?”

Your shadow: What’s it teaching you? Sometimes self-awareness emerges as a result of seeing your dark side in someone else. Think of a couple of people who frustrate the heck out of you. Which of their qualities grate on you the most? Let’s say someone you know loves to snoop and gossip about others and it drives you crazy. Do you do the same but excuse your own behavior? Are you motivated by the need for attention, approval, or position? Self-awareness may come in the context of seeing yourself in others, not just those you admire and want to emulate but also those who are meant to be mirrors.

What would Herb do? For years I had Southwest Airlines cofounder and former CEO Herb Kelleher’s photo sitting behind my desk—a reminder that, when I was most flummoxed by a business challenge that required some rebellious, courageous thinking, I would channel Herb. When we’re on self-awareness low ground, most of us tend to react rather than respond to challenges. We let our habits do the talking, which means we crowd out the opportunity to allow courage to take a stand. Think of somebody in your life who is naturally courageous and exhibits one or more of its four qualities: bravery, perseverance, honesty, zest. The next time you’re faced with a serious challenge—one that you would normally react to without summoning courage—picture your courageous role model sitting on your shoulder, giving you advice.

Prepare to dig. Draw a circle on a piece of paper and write the words “The authentic me” in the center of the circle. Then draw a series of circles around that first, core circle. The more you feel disconnected from your self, the more circles you draw. Start with the first circle outside the core. When did this sedimentary rock form around your authentic self? What’s not real or not part of you? Move out to the next circle, all the way out to the self you show the world today. You may find that you’ve shored up some unstable walls that you simply need to dismantle or let fall.

Relief will come once you’re able to dig down to that core and tap into some of the authenticity that is the real you.

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