Conscious Business by Fred KOFMAN

Author:Fred KOFMAN [KOFMAN, Fred]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Business & Economics
Publisher: Sounds True
Published: 2007-04-30T14:00:00+00:00

Consequently, the first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose. Mutual Purpose means that others perceive that we are working toward a common outcome in the conversation, that we care about their goals, interests, and values. And vice versa. We believe they care about ours. Consequently, Mutual Purpose is the entry condition of dialogue. Find a shared goal and you have both a good reason and a healthy climate for talking.54

Without mutual purpose, the conversation degenerates into an unproductive argument.

(53) Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart: A Guide through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life (New York: Bantam, 1993), 78. back

(54) Kerry Patterson et al., Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2002), 69. back

Preparing for the Conversation

There are five mutual learning purposes in a difficult conversation:

First, learning their story. Exploring other people’s perspective is always helpful. What information do they see that we missed or don’t have access to? What past experiences influence them? What is their reasoning for why they did what they did? What were their intentions? How did our actions impact them? What do they think we are contributing to the problem? What are they feeling? What does this situation mean to them? How does it affect their identity? What’s at stake?

Second, expressing your views and feelings. Your goal should be to express your views and feelings with clarity, honesty, and respect. You hope that the other person will understand what you are saying, and perhaps be moved by it, but you can’t count on that. What you can do is present to the other, as productively as you can, what you want him to know about your views, intentions, contributions, feelings, and identity issues. You can share your story.

Third, addressing the situation together. Given what you and the other person have each learned, what would improve the situation going forward? Can you brainstorm creative ways to satisfy both of your needs? Where your needs conflict, can you use equitable standards to ensure a fair and workable way to resolve the conflict?55

The fourth step is to create a respectful context for the conversation. The right conversation within the wrong context is the wrong conversation. You can choose the perfect words, but they will likely fail if you say them with anger or they are received with distrust. Before you initiate a conversation, take some time to ground yourself in your values. Before getting into the content, spend some time creating a productive context of mutual respect with others.

Patterson et al. point out, “While it is true that there’s no reason to enter a ... conversation if you don’t have Mutual Purpose, it’s equally true that you can’t stay in the conversation if you don’t maintain Mutual Respect ... As people perceive that others don’t respect them, the conversation immediately becomes unsafe and comes to a screeching halt. Why? Because respect is like air. If you take it away, it’s all people can think about. The instant people perceive disrespect in a

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