Choice or Chance by Stephen Nowicki

Author:Stephen Nowicki
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781633880719
Publisher: Prometheus Books
Published: 2016-04-25T16:00:00+00:00

APPLYING THE FOUR-PHASE MODEL: LOC AND THE CHOICE AND BEGINNING PHASES

We find Internals and Externals have different personalities, social skills, and learning preferences that have much to do with how successfully they relate to others. While all four stages are important for the relationship process, in the initial stages of relating, it is our personalities that give others both a glimpse of who we are and the information they will use to decide whether to try to deepen with us.

PERSONALITY: INTRODUCING JERRY

Jerry was getting ready to go on his first date with someone his friend Tyler had set up for him. He looked in the mirror, and a fairly good-looking twenty-eight-year-old man with short brown hair and brown eyes looked back at him. He turned his face first one way and then another and noticed he had a bit of a four o'clock shadow showing. Should he shave? Nah. It just seemed like so much trouble, especially because this date would probably end up like so many of the others where, for no reason, the woman seemed to lose interest in him.

Then his thoughts turned to what to wear. Tyler told him this woman was a fashionable dresser—not snooty, but she was someone who valued looking good. Jerry gazed into his closet. He had a nice assortment of dress pants and shirts as well as his usual collection of nondescript jeans and often-worn shirts. After thinking about his choices, he said to himself, “What difference does it make? She'll either like me or she won't,” and pulled out jeans with a stain or two from the time he went out for barbecue with the guys and a faded green polo shirt with a button missing. “At least I'll be comfortable. I mean, clothes don't make the man, especially on a first date.”

Although Tyler made a point of telling Jerry not to be late because he had managed to get a table at a good but inexpensive restaurant, Jerry lost track of time. When he looked at his watch, he had a momentary spell of anxiety, but then he told himself, “They'll hold the table.” He hurried out the door, but, when he got to his car, he realized he had forgotten his “lucky” silver dollar, so he rushed back into the house to find it. Once he had it in his hand, he calmed down and thought, “Now everything is going to be just fine!”

What is your guess? Is Jerry more likely Internal or External? This should be a no-brainer because, although the description is brief, he is clearly an externally controlled man. How do we know this? For starters, he is ignoring the information his buddy gave him to help prepare for this date and is instead depending on luck or fate to guide his grooming. Next, he shows no insight into his past interpersonal failures—no awareness his behavior could have something to do with why women don't stay interested in him. His dependence on a “lucky” coin rather than his own actions is the final evidence of his Externality.

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