Zombie Bitches From Hell by Zoot Campbell
Author:Zoot Campbell [Campbell, Zoot]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: dark comedy, zombie women, zombie action, Horror, zombie attack, horror comedy, black comedy, hot air balloon, apocalypse thriller, undead fiction, Zombies, gory, splatterpunk, apocalypse, Lang:en
Publisher: Zoot Campbell
Published: 2012-05-28T21:08:16+00:00
***
So here I am stuck in this shithole farmhouse with Tim, and a bunch of retirement home rejects – one a Rocky Balboa wannabee who wants to kick my ass, and outside a boatload of screaming women who want to eat me and jump my bones – and not in a good way!
It didn’t seem like only a few hours ago when all hell broke loose, and now here we are holed up with the “Gray Berets”. It looks to me like this Artie is the de facto leader of the bunch. But I think his hold over this rag-tag band is tenuous at best. Jerry the queen, is his puppy dog, he’ll do whatever Artie asks, I’m sure. Chaz there is another story, all latent hostility, wrapped in a veneer of bravado. He could step up, or just as easily cut and run to save his own tail. And the Big Guy in the corner, I just can’t seem to get a read on him at all yet. He’s a mystery, and I don’t like mysteries. If things get dicey and I am sure they will, things can get ugly in here, fast. I need to figure him out, and quickly. He’s a random element, and random elements can get you killed. As Sun Tzu said in the Art of War – “Know yourself and know your enemy, and you need not fear the battle.” That, and always be able to withdraw to a defensible position!
“Thanks for the shot back there, Hawkeye.” I said to Artie. “But I don’t think you and these geriatric jokers have any idea what you’re up against. We need to fortify this place – now.”
“And just who the fuck put you in charge, Priss,” said Chaz, brandishing his shovel.
“Look, Rambo 27, I saw a bunch of those harpies tear apart a bar full of dudes half your ages – if those bitches get in here you and the Geritol Brigade are toast!”
“Why you little pissant!” - and he swung the shovel at me, but before I could react, it stopped just before my face – held fast in an enormous hammy fist. The Big Guy pulled it from Chaz’s hands, nearly lifting him off the ground in the process.
“He’s right”, he said, in a rumbling voice that was somewhere between Darth Vader’s and my aunt Gladys’ who smoked four packs a day.
“Thanks,” I said
“Name’s Dick, as you know, but my friends call me ‘Tiny,’ he said, and tossed me the shovel.
“Tiny”, I said raising an eyebrow. “Say, wait a minute – I know you, you’re ‘Tiny the Terrible’. Shit, when I was a kid I used to watch you every Saturday afternoon on Wrestling Roundup with my Pop and brothers!” So the brooder just became an asset. With a little luck we may just survive the night, but I still wasn’t quite sure what we had to fear more, those things outside or each other.“That was a long time ago, kid, come on I
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